Saturday 25 June 2016

The numbers game


E.C.C.C. Sat XI v Chilcompton 2nd XI

Right, turn over your papers. If a= the angle of rain, b= Gareth Bale c= a cheese bap and d=the distance to Glastonbury, when's the correct time to come off the pitch for rain?

Arriving at Chilcompton to find the opposition engaged in some kind of weird rope twisting ritual, which Ev had been watching with fascination for half an hour, instead of unblocking the toilet like any good Polish plumber would have done, it was decided that what with the recent drizzle and forecast for worse, the match would comprise 30 overs a side.

RT1 and Ev opened the bowling and supported by some tidy fielding, gave away little to trouble the krypton factor scoreboard as the match trundled along at a 0-0 draw. Conceding a miserly five runs from his five overs, RT1's mathematics were binary and easily understood, while Ev fared almost as well in a great spell, with the runs, if not the pitch, drying up. The opposition skipper had said that the pitch was 'dry as a bone', although it appeared to some that the bone might have belonged to a prehistoric bog man buried in peat for several millennia.

The drizzle had become a bit of a pain by the time Iggy and your correspondent took over, liberally mulching the bowling crease with sawdust in an effort to stay upright in the delivery stride. RT1, whose whites had failed the Daz challenge before the match, further tested the efficacy of Proctor & Gamble's formula while executing some brilliantly spirited chases and stops on the mid-off boundary, while fearless Phil blocked some mighty thwacks at extra cover. 

Iggy mixed it up and made the breakthrough, hitting the top of off stump with a pearler. Chancing a back of the hand slower ball, your correspondent duped the new batsmen into a lofted drive to mid on, where Bolts hared in, aquaplaned and gobbled a fine catch. (Another slower delivery on the last ball of his spell duped nobody and the batsman gleefully launched it over mid wicket for six) From the other end, a fine mess ensued when the batsman hoiked a ball from Iggy high into the covers, where three converging fielders each waited for someone else to call for the ball, which eventually plopped to earth between them. How Iggy chuckled.

Spav had a couple of overs from the pavilion end, the best balls of which beat or tied the batsmen up, the remainder blasted towards the boundary as the opposition attempted to bolster their meagre total. Michael passed the edge a few times, inducing a couple of snicks behind, one of which was expertly snaffled by Ollie to great jubilation and relief (the other, flying at an uncomfortable height to Iggy at slip was not). The next ball he trapped the incoming batsman with a dubious LBW and on his hat trick ball "only missed the stumps by that much", as he reminded the batsman later. Bolts nearly took another great catch near the deep mid-on boundary, but having done almost all the work, clocked off early before the ball was safely in his hands. Happy did very well to keep the runs down in the final overs of the innings as the opposition accelerated to 118-4 after 30 overs.

Tea was taken in the swanky new pavilion, if swanky is having four flat screen tellys but no working toilet in the changing room and tea is a noun encompassing grated cheese in a white bap, interchangeable with a bag of sawdust. Nice cake though.

Phil and Bolts opened the Cowboys' innings and set about chasing what in ordinary circumstances would have been a straight four an over, but with rain around it was looking unlikely that all the overs would be completed and some sought clarification of the revised target. Bolts was looking good until tickling one down leg which the keeper was as surprised as anyone to snaffle as it came back down the slope into his glove.

Ev batted with determination - determination not to miss any of Wales' progress in the footy against Northern Ireland. He succeeded, heading off to put his feet up infront of the telly with the score on 0-0. Iggy was bowled for not many, Phil fell after a patient innings for quite a few more but after 19 overs the intensity of the rain forced the players from the field, the covers were fetched and wheeled into place and most eyes turned to the footy. Eventually it stopped, the rain too, with a promising patch of clear sky to the south-west, conjured up by the mystics of Glastonbury, who weren't about to let it drift away towards us. Play resumed under leaden skies and in no time the drizzle started again, becoming heavier, vibes cyclonic. Happy played straight, but down the wrong line of a ball he was attempting to wallop into the pavilion.

It was by now vaguely decreed and generally understood that having passed the 20 overs mark, all that the Cowboys had to do, should the game not reach its full conclusion, was to keep ahead of the opposition's run rate in the corresponding over of their innings. We'd been handed the wrong examination paper. Adam and Spav carried things along, looking like they had things covered, knocking off four or five an over with some thumping shots off the bad balls and correct, unpenetrable defence to the better ones. So much of the match had been played in the rain and both batsmen were apparently coping so well that it seemed quite possible that the opposition's total would be overhauled, After 24 overs, in heavy drizzle, as the scorebook began to liquify to a pulp and the scoreboard attempted to read 91-5, RT1 called the players from the field, albeit under the impression that the Cowboys were ahead of the required run rate and victorious, but also because it was just too wet to play cricket.

The atmosphere in the fetid, heated, windowless changing room worsened and aside from the gurgling of a malfunctioning toilet, an uncomfortable silence descended as the Cowboys discovered that although they'd got their sums right, they were doing the wrong sums. It turned out that they had left the field three runs short of the required total at 24 overs, which was not the same as the opposition's score at the same point. Several opposition players had known this all along and although hardly racing through their overs they were surprised by the off field call to abandon the match. At least this will NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN ever, now that we're all aware of the rules, have access to a digital abacus and are de-evolving into amphibious creatures.

Adam was nominated Man of the Match for an assured knock of 30 in testing conditions and Bolts may have won the Cider Moment for the catch which he caught.

http://cowboys.play-cricket.com/website/results/2635409

Hi mate,

Iggy opened the Cowboys innings with Phil. Apart from that, wicked mate.

Cheers

Bolts
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Saturday 11 June 2016