Saturday 14 September 2013

Unexpected cricket teams in the bagging area

Long before Kraft bought the Somerdale factory from Cadbury's and swiftly closed it down, making local workers redundant and ceasing production of DoubleDeckers (chocolate, not buses Blakey) the Fry's Chocolate Company's sports and social club used to have an apostrophe. These days it's known as Fry Club and the first rule about Fry Club is you do not talk about Fry Club. However,

The previous day's deluge had left the top pitch as gooey as a gateaux and Iggy had no hesitation in asking Avonside to bat first, once he'd won the toss for the thirteenth time. In the words of the late Roy Castle, ‘Dedication’s what you need, if you wanna be a record-breaker,’ and Iggy certainly has been a dedicated tosser this season.

RT1 and Garnier bowled the first half a dozen overs with customary accuracy and magnificent tedious economy. Each bagged a wicket apiece with their opening salvos; first RT1 induced an edge behind, smartly caught by Ollie, who momentarily misplaced his Ps and Qs in his assertion of the batsman's downfall, neither of them noticing the umpire's index finger of confirmation. Shortly afterwards Garnier bowled the other opener during a wicket maiden that left the opposition on 7-2.

The next pair at the crease put on 71, first taking around five an over from the remainder of RT1 and Garnier's spells, then scoring a couple of boundaries off Ev's first over. Fielding was generally keen and smart - Ange got behind a point blank smash that would have perforated a lesser man - but the boundaries were mostly short, one on a separate contour line.  The Landlord didn't initially fare much better in the attempt at keeping a lid on the simmering pot, but then Ev made the breakthrough, forcing a mistimed drive in the air to mid-off where Kalu made no mistake (unlike the four he'd earlier let through his legs down the hill that caused howls and barks) and at drinks the opposition were on 81-3.

After the break both bowlers tied the batsmen down for a while (modesty would prevent the Landlord from boasting about his last four overs going for just two runs) but couldn't get them out. Although the run rate had now dropped to below four, Avonside had the potential of being very dangerous in the remaining overs with seven wickets in hand. As has so often been the case this season, Iggy had at least eight bowlers to choose from. This week the fifth arm of the octopus was Kalu, but there was ink all over the scorebook when his first couple of overs went for 27. RT1 was kept busy in the outfield and parried what would have been a spectacular catch instead of a muntered one. Both the skipper and Kalu bravely persevered and in his third over he bowled the No.5 to end the partnership: 136-4.

Meanwhile AB had come on to bowl at the other end, also finding success in his third over by bowling the incoming batsman: 149-5 with half a dozen overs remaining. The No3 then accelerated the run rate, pushing his own score towards a century, hitting at least a six from each of Kalu's next three overs before the bowler's nerve and flight outdid the batsman's judgement and he was bowled for 96. Suddenly remembering that this was the last opportunity to bowl on grass for the next seven months, Iggy brought himself and AndyB on to bowl, the latter taking a wicket with his second ball, Iggy pouching a fine caught and bowled off his third ball and striking again with the next one (his dad was watching). AndyB responded to being hit for six from the first ball of the final over by bowling the No.10 with the next, wrapping up the innings on 184, the last five wickets having fallen for thirteen runs.

The tea break coincided with the end of a soccer match being played by the club house, adding to the usual shabby debacle of tea time at Fry's. Not even a choccy biccie in sight. Those with polystyrene cup, white bread and doughnut allergies brought alternatives (ok, just me).

Ev and Ange carried forward the momentum gained at the end of Avonside's innings, batting positively and scoring at five an over until the sixth, when Ange was caught in front of the wicket for 14. Ev was caught behind for 13 off the first ball of the following over, AndyB bowled for a duck with the fifth and with the score on 33-3 the Cowboys needed some consolidation. Step forward Iggy, who, with vociferous female support and under paternal scrutiny, knuckled down and kept the score ticking over. At the other end, although the supportive role was vital, Justin's watch had apparently stopped and he struggled to find scoring opportunities. Both batsmen eventually succumbed to successive deliveries; Justin LBW sweeping for 4, Iggy caught at long on for 27, just after some Jonah had mentioned that the new bowler, the opposition skipper, was a canny one with the ball: 75-5.

AB then completely disproved the Jonah theory by smiting said bowler for four fours in his next over, while Ollie had a less productive and pleasant time at the other end. At drinks the Cowboys were precisely half way to their target on 92-5, but immediately afterwards Ollie was caught close to the wicket and the balance of the match swung slightly back in the opposition's favour. Kalu joined AB and for five overs they kept the required run rate in sight before Kalu was caught in the 25th over for 8 with the score on 106-7.

The sky brightened, a hot air balloon took off from a field near the river. The Landlord didn't find the bowling particularly challenging but there was movement behind the bowler's arm, albeit approximately 93 million miles away and bright orange-coloured. To have attempted to watch the ball out of the bowler's hand would have meant instant blindness. Adjusting headgear, squinting out of one eye and prodding straight seemed to be the best policy. Batting at the other end, by comparison, was a doddle and so it was utter madness for the Landlord to be run out for 10 attempting to get away from that end and an act of kindness for AB to sagely send him back. A shame about the direct hit: 127-8.

With ten overs remaining the Cowboys required just less than a run a ball to win. With AB and now Garnier at the wicket it was still a plausible plot, but a couple of overs later the curtains came down prematurely as AB was bowled for 32 and without the score advancing, Garnier was blinded by the light (wrapped up like a deuce, another runner in the night) and bowled for 6. All out for 134 in the 34th over, fifty runs short.

AB won the Man of the Match vote for his batting and bowling and did the double, or triple, by being awarded the Cider Moment for his pugnacious 4x4 over. Iggy also won plaudits for his caught and bowled, as did RT1 for his fielding and nearly fielding of the ball.

If rumours of the impending redevelopment of this part of the ground are correct, it's likely that this was the last cricket match to be played on the top pitch and just possible that the wicket could become a supermarket aisle: Unexpected cricket teams in the bagging area.

Scorecard





Saturday 31 August 2013

Rescue and redemption

When your No.11 is looking around for pads with less than twenty runs on the board, you know you're in trouble. At least Garnier had brought some beer so we could have a beer match afterwards. In the meantime, there was trouble at t'mill, or more accurately, out there in the middle from whence batsmen were returning with alarming regularity.

And the pitch had appeared quite benign on first inspection; neither a belter nor a sticky one, creating some doubt in the team and the skipper's mind as to what to do when Iggy inevitably won the toss again - for a staggering twelve times in succession (which now suggests that he's been taking lessons from Derren Brown, convincing the opposition skippers that they're seeing whichever side of the coin he tells them).

In went Ev and Ange, the latter undone by a corker of a ball that bowled him for a duck, then Barney helped Ev get the total past a dozen before being caught behind for four, bringing AndyB to the wicket for his debut innings for the team. A couple of balls later he'd been adjudged LBW by home team umpire Kalu, both of whom sought verification of their viewpoint from the DRS well into the evening. AB fell victim without scoring to a caught and bowled with the total still on 15 and a few runs later Ev was caught behind off a "shite ball" from the same bowler: 18-5.

By now the eventual No.11 had suggested that the original No.11 on the scorecard go in a bit earlier, being a considerably better batter. As suggestions go it was a no-brainer and quite possibly a match-winner, as Iggy and Asad rebuilt the innings from scratch and began to dominate the bowling attack. After those initial tortuous opening overs with wickets tumbling, the fifty came up in no time with both batsmen knuckling down and punishing the bad balls. With power and good shot selection Asad initially outscored the skipper, who from the outset oozed determination and intent, playing himself in and forging a vital partnership of 73.

With five boundaries in his essential 39 it was Asad who went first, caught at long on with the score a little rosier, but still a bit poorly on 91-6: Enter Ollie, who after looking rather unsteady to start with, made himself at home under Iggy's wing before playing back and launching his own assaults upon the opposition prey, inflating both the run rate and the total higher than could have been dreamt of earlier. Up, up and away, past the dizzying heights of 100, then 150, the pair done good.

As Iggy scooped the ball into gaps, reached his fifty and the Cowboys moved from grief to euphoria, so the Oldfield Park XI's spirit crashed, burned and ate its own tail. Ollie eventually plundered seven boundaries in his rapid fire innings of 35 from a couple of dozen balls, all the more remarkable given his relatively slow and uncertain start. When he holed out he'd put on 91 with Iggy and exactly doubled the score: 182-7.

There was some concern, what with all the balls that had been smacked into the hedges by the Cowboys' middle order, that there may not be enough left to finish the game: Enter Kalu, a man sometimes permanently preoccupied with the desire to launch the ball into space and beyond. Happily he kept it to the confines of the county, playing deft late cuts as well as hearty blows. Iggy meanwhile had cracked a six at the other end in addition to the other nine boundaries and was not alone in daring to wonder whether he could face enough balls and hang around long enough to reach three figures. Alas, the truth of the dare was that after a fine captain's innings he fell caught and bowled for 77.

Kalu kicked on from there, taking the score past 200 with Garnier, who farmed the strike to his partner and hit his own boundaries on the way to his highest innings total for five years and the Cowboys' largest total all season: 237-9. Blaming the scorers, on the last ball of the innings had he realised that it was such, he might not have run out Kalu for 21.

Everyone was to blame, or thank for the tea, being as it was a co-operative, communal affair. It certainly led to a wealth of variety and the leftovers would have fed a family of refugee badgers for a week.

A well-fed chirpy home team took to the field to defend six an over. Neither Garnier nor AndyB let them get anywhere near that but the opening batsmen were still resolute, infamously stubborn to remove. Though economical, Garnier seemed to have trouble with his radar from the bottom end and while AndyB frequently threatened to take a wicket there was still no breakthrough after a dozen overs. Tim and Kalu then chanced their arms, still keeping things tight and building pressure on the batsmen, who were losing sight of their required run rate despite passing a half-century partnership together.

Tim's skiddy seamers often found the edge and pads, but the umpire was not only immovable but affronted by the frequency of LBW appeals, leading to the conclusion that he was missing a page from his copy of the relevant laws. Kalu finally claimed the first scalp in the 20th over, thanks not only to Ollie's smart catch behind the stumps but the batsman's self-ejection for 32, removing the umpire's involvement by walking after a faint snick: 63-1. Like proverbial buses, another two wickets arrived that same over as Kalu flighted, spun and deceived the next men out for ducks; the first bowled, the second caught by Ollie. Stunned by three quick blows, the opposition now required more than eight an over against a home side brimming with confidence and a bagful of bowling to come.

After another tight five overs Kalu clung on to a smart return catch that he didn't have time to think about dropping, but unfortunately the same could not be said of Ange, who dropped a tame lob to silly mid off a couple of overs later to deny Kalu his fifth wicket in his last over. Shed not a tear, dear reader, but rejoice in Ange's redemption and salvation a ball or three later, when he bagged a sharp one, propelling Kalu jugward to 5-27. A very small boy on the boundary edge was confused by the cheering: "Did you do a good bat dad?" he shouted to his father who'd been at the crease since the start. "Yes", came a sheepish reply, which was by and large true until Ev bowled him a few overs later: 98-6.

A couple of overs each from Ev and Iggy further tightened the screws on the opposition's innings, after which two each from Asad and AB swiftly brought it to a close: Asad hit the stumps with the first ball directed towards them and AB had similar radar adjustments before striking twice in one over to snuff out a tail he was too good for. One opposition batsman had declined to make the journey to the crease, thus the innings was closed on 120-9 and the Cowboys had won by 117 runs.

Iggy's splendid rescue knock of 77 won him Man of the Match, while Ange's drop and redemption came top of the pile of Cider Moment nominations, another couple of which involved Kalu's masterful spell. Big ups to Garnier and Ange for ale and pizza provision.

Scorecard



Saturday 17 August 2013

Over before tea

Professor Garnier looked up from his computer at the meteorological department. The forecast wasn't good. He'd emailed his associates to warn them of the impending rainfall that would scupper the afternoon's activities and was now free to tuck into the sumptuous tea that he'd prepared which would now be surplus to requirement.

The rest of the Saturday 1st XI left the city for Farmborough as the breeze intensified and the sky darkened, but on arrival the threatening clouds hadn't delivered, the pitch looked good and Wrington 2nd XI were up for a game. Iggy won the toss for the eleventh time in a row and patted the rabbit's foot, four-leaf clover, horseshoe and lump of coal in his pocket. He'd only told people that he'd injured his Achilles tendon because they would have laughed at him if he'd told them that the real reason he couldn't run was because he had to carry all that lot around in his pocket.

Meanwhile, Garnier woke up and belched, frantically brushing stilton, pork pie and cake crumbs from his chest, muttering expletives as he looked out of the window and didn't see rain. Slipping on a half-eaten foie gras canape, he dashed out of the house and headed for the ground, running a supermarket delivery van off the road en-route and ransacking its contents for later.

The other ten Cowboys had by now taken the field with RT1 and AndyB spearheading the new ball attack. The newly adopted policy of returning the ball to the bowler as quickly as possible without any intermittent third party polishing, together with a speedy urgency between overs to beat the rain, contributed to a palpable eagerness, creating pressure on the batsmen from the start. Both bowlers plied their craft admirably with RT1 having early success from the top end when he took a sharp low return catch to dismiss the opposition skipper, then striking again to bowl the No.3. Tooley's remarkable outstretched effort at gully gave him his third victim and reduced Wrington to 6-3, round about the time that Garnier appeared and snuck onto the field.

From the other end, it was AndyB's turn to break through the opposition's crumbly batting and with the surviving opener looking on, he bowled one, two, three of the hapless Wringtones, possibly all in the same over. At 17-6 it was a little surreal - like viewing highlights on fast forward -  this game that wasn't supposed to happen and still might not end if the spots of rain intensified and became prolonged, as forecast.

After RT1 and AndyB's devastating seven over spells of 3-10 and 3-19, Kalu and Tim took over in trying to remove the resistant No.2 and exposed tail. After a lot of swishing without connecting, the opener - and only batsman to make double figures - eventually tickled one through off Tim for Ollie to take a sharp low edge, while at the other end Kalu held a well-struck caught and bowled. At some point a batsman arrived at the crease carrying what appeared to be a child's toy, which some claimed to go by the name of a Mongoose, although it was neither a small carnivorous mammal nor, evidently, of any use for playing cricket. Kalu bowled the No.9 to conclude his five over spell with 2-21, making way for Garnier who bowled seven dot balls, the last of which the No.11 struck in the vicinity of AB, who casually plucked it out of the air with one hand to wrap things up: 61 all out in the 27th over.

Mindful of Garnier's legendary teas (and the rain that had come and gone but would surely pay a proper visit later) the opposition were keen to pause between innings but Iggy was having none of it and sent Ev and Tooley out to bat, just as another few spots of drizzle blotted the scorebook.

The long-lasting Wrington bat also opened the bowling but was no match for the Cowboys' opening pair, who struck fourteen from his first two overs, double that off the bowler from the other end. Tooley timed the ball impeccably, pulling, driving and cutting the ball to the boundary with heartening regularity, outscoring Ev who was nonetheless ever vigilant to every scoring opportunity, neither of them bothered by what came their way.

The light rain troubled no one apart from the scorer, for whom Iggy attempted to arrange an umbrella, producing instead a disemboweled octopus which like a kite he flew in the prevailing wind. A straight blow from Tooley sailed on the same wind over the boundary for six, the run rate now an unprecedented ten an over and a rare ten wicket victory almost in the bag. Of all the Cowboys, perhaps Garnier was the least delighted that the winning runs were struck in the seventh over, giving him less than the optimum time for throwing together a rain-affected tea. For that he has to lay the blame with Tooley for playing such a flawless and determined, if jug-avoiding, 46 not out from 23 balls as well as RT1 and AndyB's earlier three-fers.

The Cider Moment and Man of the Match awards quite probably went to Tooley for his gully catch and RT1 for his deadly opening spell and it is with regret, especially having written it down in the scorebook at the time, that your correspondent can not remember with certainty, susceptible as he is to post-match ale induced short term memory loss and the disintegration of the associated neural pathways forever.

Later, Ev's memory displayed no such signs of degeneration when he texted, "Last Saturday XI 10 wkt win was in Aug 09 vs WSM at Bristol CC ground. Jeffo and Grant knocked off 34 in 7 overs. I took 4 for 3, best of which was the old lady with her arm in plaster."

Scorecard

Saturday 10 August 2013

The lady and the gentlemen

With no sign of inclement weather to curtail the afternoon, the Saturday 1st XI travelled to the pristine grounds of Downside School in Stratton-on-the-Fosse to play S-o-t-F 2nd XI. The pitch was slightly damp from overnight rain and Iggy had little hesitation in asking the opposition to bat after yet again winning the toss. The mathematics professors duly attempted to calculate the probability, if not the absurdity, of correctly calling a coin ten times in a row, but to accompanying puffs of smoke and the grinding of cog wheels, their brains exploded.

(0.5x0.5x0.5x0.5x0.5x0.5x0.5x0.5x0.5x0.5x0.5 = 0.00048828125 = 1/2048 = 2048 to 1 ?) (5 marks)

RT1 and Garnier took the new ball, exerting pressure once they'd adjusted their sights, RT1 making an early breakthrough when he bowled the No.1 with only a couple of runs on the board. With the field alert and buoyed by success, the batsmen found runs hard to come by and when Garnier's guile knocked over Nos. 3 & 4 with the score on 18, the inappropriately named 'Down-Ciders' had a leak in their flagon.

Kalu and Tim replaced the successful opening bowlers as the hitherto quiet No.2 batsman hit out and upped the run rate, but a very sharp catch from Ollie behind the stumps saw off the No.5 with the score on 38-4. On a slow pitch the batsmen struggled to score off Kalu but found runs from the other end as the tall No.2 drove aerially to the boundary, once grazing the not so small RT2's finger (fined). RT1 made no mistake with a regulation catch off Kalu to end the partnership and a few runs later Kalu struck again, bowling the danger man and reducing the score to 73-6.

With a bag of bowlers still up his sleeve and each so far having bowled six, Iggy brought on the algebraic pairing of 2AB: AndyB and AB. Both bowled economically, apart from a smattering of wides that were cumulatively to become the second highest scorer, but it was Andy who removed the next batsman thanks to an RT2 catch and without the score advancing got another, who played straight into Kalu's hands at leg slip: 84-8. Offering little resistance, Andy cut off the rest of the tail too; one caught by Garnier, the last young man bowled, to end with a fine 4-11 from nineteen balls and the innings closed on 92 in the 29th over.

Without pausing between innings, the Cowboys set about facing ten overs before the interlude and with much associated scurrying the batsmen and umpires prepared themselves. The distance between the pitch and the pavilion being greater than that between the pitch and the woods, RT1's choice of venue for his required comfort break was understandable, unless you didn't like that sort of thing and a nearby exclamation of haughty disgust suggested that somebody didn't: Vociferously proclaiming, "This is a game for gentlemen," the lady took much placating as she threatened protestations to the league, the skipper's apologies falling on cloth ears.

With their catheters in place, Ev and RT2 starting off positively, solid in defence and alert to scoring possibilities: It was RT2's keenness that led to his demise when he was run out backing up, Ev propelling a ball straight back that the bowler deflected onto the stumps.

Upstairs in the pavilion, overlooking the 1st XI pitch with the school and the abbey behind, the surroundings outshone the perfectly adequate tea.

After the resumption, a mackerel sky heralding a changing weather front, DaveT and Ev continued their partnership. The former outscored the latter, both playing straight and appearing in control, the opposition having no choice but to set an attacking field and hope to exploit any swing that their bowlers could extract from the conditions. With the score just short of fifty, Dave was the first to go, bowled for 21 and as Ev now started playing more expansive shots, Ollie tried to find his feet.

Having struck some powerful blows and wound up the bowler to a chuntering state, Ev was caught for 20, the score now on 61-3. Kalu and Ollie found the going tough, the requisite timing eluding them, the former holing out early bringing AB to the wicket, who soon settled in and began to dominate the bowling, finding the boundary with a series of pugnacious shots that put the outcome of the match in no doubt. Some time after the ringing of the six o'clock Angelus bell, the hapless young opposition No.11 was given the ball, the only delivery from whom was hit for five as AB secured the win by six wickets, remaining unbeaten on 25.

AndyB got the MotM vote for his tidy and efficient clean up and Ollie's catch lost out to the incident of the outraged lady for the (Down)Cider Moment. Thirsty and in a dry spot, the Cowboys headed to Farmborough where they drank all the 2nd XI's beer and failed to help them to win. Sorry bout that. It's been suggested that fines from the 1st XI game be offered as reparation.


Scorecard




Saturday 3 August 2013

Chucking it down

"Oi! Get off the pitch," were the words with which we were greeted by the opposition as we stood around surveying the wicket before the match against Old Park at the Fry Club ground in Keynsham. Perhaps they mistook our trainers for stilettos or maybe it was a wind up. It was certainly a taste of things to come.

Iggy proved his credentials as a winning tosser and put the opposition into bat on a damp, drying strip, beneath which we'd not had enough time to plant our IEDs as was evidenced by the opposition's 98 run opening partnership. The algebraic opening bowling pair of 2ABs (Bhatnagar & Bowen) commenced respectively fast and tight, but the run rate rose to four, then five an over as RT2 and Kalu took over and the batsmen were let off with a series of three dropped dollies, each easier than the last.

Finally, sprinting in from long-off, the real AB (there were three in the team) took a fine catch off Kalu's bowling, made all the more impressive by the associated blood and thumb injury and his teammates' butterfingers.

Adhering to some kind of quinary system the skipper was allotting his bowlers five over spells and as the rain clouds menaced, Asad and the Landlord's turn came. Asad had early success, bowling the remaining opener for 58 and putting a much-needed squeeze on the score's progression. Your correspondent's bowling was treated most disrespectfully with some effective hoiking across a good line, but there was success from the other end when Asad had an LBW appeal upheld: 115-3.

Exactly when the murmuring started is hard to say, perhaps it was at the fall of the next wicket, when Asad bowled the No.4, or the ball after when he bowled the No.6, but from somewhere in the ranks of the opposition came the accusation that he was throwing. Whether sour grapes, sledging or considered opinion wasn't initially evident and as runs leaked at the other end and the rain clouds rolled in depositing a heavy shower, the players left the field with the score on 139-5, Asad with figures of 4 for 8.

An early tea was taken, the authenticity of which was also in question as bread whiter than the paper plates from which the doughnuts rolled tasted worse than the polystyrene cups in which the tepid weak tea was served, in a corridor.

It kept raining, it stopped, the pitch looked very sticky and nobody wanted to go near it with stilettos, slippers or studs, except perhaps for Asad, who may have bettered the season's best bowling performance, or not: The word from the tea of uncertainty corridor was that if play resumed, the opposition (umpire) intended to no-ball the Cowboys' most effective bowler for throwing, recurrence of which under the Laws results in suspension from further bowling in the match, or in reality perhaps a punch-up.

Escaping from all that, the team adjourned to the bar where they were greeted by the locals as "ragamuffins" and scowled at by the barmaid.

Scorecard

Saturday 27 July 2013

Saturday 20 July 2013

Bath Bomb

Bath 4th XI's Brownsword ground at Lansdown Hill lies within the former estate of William Beckford, whose gilded folly, partially hidden by trees surrounding the water tower, was once renown as a landmark for drunken farmers on their way home from market. There was certainly a little folly and a hint of the drunken farmer about the Saturday 1st XI's performance against top of the table Bath, which went awry from the start with the end of a remarkable run of winning tosses. It's just possible that there could be a coin tossing module in Bath University's Sport and Exercise Science course and that on hearing of the Cowboys 100% record the opposition convened a seminar and several tutorials. And so it came to be that the Cowboys took to the well-manicured field, short boundaries fore and aft, the hot sun gleaming on Beckford's gilded belvedere (knobby bit).

Both batsmen attacked RT1 and MattD's opening overs, the ball racing off the bat across the dry turf faster than the sports cars on Lansdown Road, the score advancing at a run a ball. Skipper Ben turned to Asad and Kalu to try to apply the brakes, the former, while accurate, giving the batsmen ball speed to utilise, the latter's flight and loop requiring them to work harder for their runs. It was Kalu who eventually broke the century opening partnership with a successful LBW appeal and without the score advancing he bowled the No.3 for a duck. Asad's good line was finally rewarded when he claimed the scalp of the remaining opener, LBW for 68, but on 139-3 the opposition had only used up around half of their overs with more batting strength to come.

Vociferously urged on in the field by 2nd XI skipper on secondment Jefferty, the Cowboys struggled to keep a lid on the simmering Bath innings. It's testament to his indomitable spirit that his chirruping remained undiminished earlier after spilling a tricky chance that he did well to get to. Kalu remained remarkably economical and had the opposition at 169-4 when he struck for the third time, inducing the batsman to pop a catch to Justin.

With Ange and others behind and in front of the wicket working hard to cut off boundaries, the next partnership amassed a half century together as the Landlord attempted to evict them. Mercifully, notice was served and executed the ball after being launched in the direction and altitude of the water tower, when this time it evaded the heave and hit the stumps: 224-5. Ev too toiled to prevent the run-a-ball progress, succeeding by a whisker but unable to prise the batsmen out. MattD had a second spell, RT1 didn't and in the last few overs as the ball travelled aerially, Ben bagged a couple of good catches, the first of which was worthy of a scrumpy moment vote or two. The battering ceased after 40 overs with the score on 271-7.

Tea appeared as if it had been magicked by Bath Cricket Teas Inc. and heavily comprised these wraps that they have now. Bread is so passé in Bath. There was also a bowl of pork things that coach and sidelined skipper Iggy was seen stuffing into his face when he thought nobody was looking and the remains of a watermelon last seen in a field in Stanton Drew.

Ev and Ange set about chasing down the total, the former finding a couple of early boundaries on a pitch that seemed to offer little assistance to the bowler, except for the ball's tendency to die and keep low outside off stump. Perhaps receiving one that didn't, Ev was caught in the gully before Ange had got off the mark, the bowler rewarded by being replaced at the knob end by his skipper. Ben defended while Ange played himself in then attacked the second change bowler, the runs not quite up with the required rate, but on the way there. When Ben's defences were breached and one got through to bowl him, the less able defenders in the batting line-up took cautious note but when Asad fell the next ball in the same manner, they collectvely gulped.

Justin strode out at 38-3 to take on the hat-trick ball and associated chatter, survived and set about reconstructive surgery on the innings. Ten runs later, after hitting several boundaries, Ange was also bowled from the same end, bringing Kalu to the wicket to face the music: It wasn't to his liking and forcing a drive he snicked his second ball to the keeper: 49-5. Barney's batting baptism for the team could hardly have been less comfortable as the opposition's confidence grew and the total trickled past fifty, then, eager for a run when Justin wasn't, he was run out by a well-drilled arm. 58-6 became 62-7 when Justin was bowled to become the Bath skipper's fifth victim with the Cowboys still two hundred runs adrift. Seemingly undaunted, MattD faced five balls, hit two of them for four and the last down the throat of long-off.

Jefferty and the Landlord held up the inevitable, blocking, swishing and sweeping their way to the highest partnership of the innings, the former surviving more balls than any of his predecessors until caught for 16 by the greedy opposition captain who was to have a hand in eight of the ten dismissals, the last of whom was RT1 who surely bats better wearing his underwear over his outerwear. The Landlord remained theoretically undefeated on 16 as the Cowboys were all out for 118 in the 23rd over.

On a day devoid of much amusement, except for Jefferty's sartorial elegance / anorexic Billy Bunter impression, Ben's catch was possibly the Cider Moment and Kalu's bowling the only performance that merited the Man of the Match vote. Everyone was fined for being rubbish, except blameless scorer Erica and several brave supporters who'd already suffered enough.

Scorecard



Saturday 13 July 2013

Meth Melt

On a molten Ashes afternoon, the Saturday 1st XI entertained Midsomer Norton Methodists' 1st XI at at the furnace in Farmborough. The pitch looked a bit rough and patchy and may have been given a drink earlier in the day, but surely if he won the toss, skipper Ben wouldn't ask his team to bowl first in the heat? Thankfully, after he'd worked his voodoo spell on the coin, he opted to bat first and those that could retreated to the shade as Ev and Ange walked out to open up.

The wicket soon exhibited a few signs of unpredictable spite that the bowlers exploited well, Ev falling to a catch in the gully with the score barely in double figures, Ange falling to a catch off the same bowler after the promise of three boundaries and the foundations of a partnership with Ben. Justin's early departure, bowled on the back foot, left the Cowboys on 31-3, scored at just under three an over. The tempo picked up with Asad at the crease, appearing as capable and solid as the skipper with whom he steered the team away from danger, the former finding the boundary with powerful blows, the latter accumulating with deft touches and defending with perpendicular correctness. Together they sailed the total past a hundred as the opposition, wilting in the sun, juggled the bowling around but couldn't dislodge them: By the time Asad had hit his tenth four to bring up his half century, the pair had amassed the team's highest partnership of the season. When he fell shortly afterwards for an impressive 53, he'd helped the Cowboys to a very handy 150-4.

The resolute skipper remained, joined by AB batting on his debut for the team, both intent on wringing as many runs as possible out of the remaining overs. Selflessly, after hitting a boundary AB sacrificed himself in a run out, leaving Davey to grab a few more vital runs with Ben, who, after 40 overs with the score on 179-5, ended up on a jug-avoiding, disciplined captain's innings of 49 not out, proving that food poisoning the night before doesn't necessarily affect one's batting.

And so to tea, which was a long time in the making; the beans, peas, carrots, lettuce and spuds were planted in May, the strawberry, gooseberry and redcurrant bushes are a few years old. Cakes and sandwiches don't grow on trees.

Leaving sidelined coach Iggy to do the washing up and get out of the sun for a bit, the Cowboys took to the the field with a rather mangled ball. Davey and Garnier opened the attack but the batsmen found runs reasonably comfortably in the first dozen overs and Ange was kept busy behind the timbers: His agility and safe hands made the breakthrough when the Landlord came on, tied the batters down a bit, found a sweet spot on the pitch and induced an edge behind. The other opener then skied a catch to Asad in the covers, putting a second dent in the innings and the score on 69-2. Having been hit for a six - the ball lost and replaced - Lalith changed ends and soon had his adversary caught low down by Davey, coming in from the long on boundary with a fag in his mouth, which was presumably there as an aid to concentration.

The replacement ball was noticeably livelier through the air, although its preponderance to swing, despite being advantageous, also took some controlling. Before the end of his spell the Landlord had the chance to remove the young No.5 who was getting set, but the return catch was upon him too soon and he didn't have a fag in his mouth. This proved costly as the fourth wicket partnership grew, reaching fifty as Asad and Lalith toiled without any luck, before Asad had a successful LBW appeal as reward for bowling a good line and Lalith inflicted a double blow to the Meths by bowling the No.5. As with buses, the third wicket came along behind with Lalith bowling another to reduce the opposition to 128-6, some fifty runs short with less than ten overs remaining. Would the tail wag or whimper?

The low sun was still fierce, the hedgerow dark, as veteran swinger Garnier returned for another spell: Novice AB sent down a tidy handful of overs, preventing the run rate from accelerating and adding to the squeeze. Boundary patrol intensified, the whole team on high alert to prevent the opposition from scoring. Then Garnier heroically bowled the No.8, followed by the No.9 and the batting was running out of breath a couple of dozen runs short of the target with only a couple of overs remaining. Asad picked up his second wicket by bowling the No.10, adding further weight behind the unanimous Man of the Match nomination as the innings petered out on 162-9, securing a hard fought victory for the Cowboys by seventeen runs.

Cider Moment nominations were multitudinous and included Ange and Davey's catches but omitted Ghanaby's feat of cycling to the match, mending a puncture en route and fielding like a gazelle.

Scorecard


Saturday 6 July 2013

Nailed

Following complaints, it should be noted that all cricketers and events appearing in this report may be fictitious. Any resemblance to reality, real persons, living, dead, undead or asleep is purely coincidental.

At the station, team manager and taxi driver Iggy anxiously awaited the late arrival of the train from Gloucester carrying last week's Man of the Match. Meanwhile, chez Lalith, a deep sleep was disturbed by the persistent ringing of a phone. What with being stalked in the supermarket earlier while buying provisions for tea, so far Ben wasn't having an easy time of captaincy. It didn't get any better when on the way to the ground, Ev was spotted driving in the opposite direction. Somehow, within the hour the Cowboys were ready with eleven on the field at Farmborough versus Nailsea 3rd's ten.

Any more of this winning the toss business and there'll be an inquiry, but once again Ben carried on the successful streak, asked the opposition to bat first and his bowlers and fielders to toil in the heat of the baking sun. RT1 and Garnier coped admirably, any occasional wayward spewings often adeptly collected by birthday boy Ollie behind the stumps. However, it's regrettable that the young man incurred a five run penalty for the inappropriate placement of his helmet.

A few early runs leaked across a fast outfield until both bowlers got their reward for accuracy, guile and swing, RT1 with a positive LBW decision and Garnier hitting the stumps. The third wicket fell within the first ten overs when the opposition skipper foolishly swept across the line to Garnier and was without hesitation adjudged to be LBW.

Perhaps it was then that a batsman came to the crease bereft of a bat and caused much mirth and around about this time that Ange performed some aerial acrobatics to stop but not catch a ball that was thwacked at him from close range. Ollie made no mistake in taking an edge to give RT1 his second wicket although the batsman lingered a while in trying to tell the umpire, and everyone else in the valley who'd heard the edge, that he hadn't touched it. Perhaps, in the bushes, someone looked down at the twig that they'd just snapped in two.

Garnier was replaced by Asad, firing it in on a good length just outside off stump, swinging the ball enough to prevent the batsman from getting anything but an edge on it, one of which (not the one that the skipper dropped) AB - making his debut for the 1st XI - confidently leapt and caught above his head at gully, later voted as the Cider Moment. With five wickets down and barely fifty runs on the board, Nailsea looked rather ragged but maybe not incapable of recovering. They didn't help their cause when their most successful batsman hit one straight to Tooley and set off down the track for a run that his partner didn't want: a calm, accurate throw to Ollie saw him easily run out.

Asad bowled out his economical spell, rewarded for his accuracy with a second wicket for a ball that clipped off stump, leaving Lalith to mop up with some loopy turners, which when they pitched, spat this way and that and were too good for the shortened Nailsea tail. He also ended with a brace of cheap wickets to have the opposition dismissed in the 29th over for 79 with the tea urn barely tepid.

Out to bat strode Ev and Ange, gladiatorial with their blades in the heat of the arena. A watchful start against some nippy bowling paid dividends as the pair settled and enjoyed an unbroken partnership before tea, Ange smiting some powerful blows, Ev accumulating with footwork and style.

Tea was delicious, varied and ample although the earlier supermarket stalking incident appeared to have befuddled Ben into purchasing enough watermelon to feed the population of the Mendips. A lot of it would later mysteriously appear as cattle fodder in a field near Stanton Drew.

The refreshed opening batsmen continued where they'd left off, assuredly pushing the score on at four runs an over and reaching their half-century partnership, shortly after which Ev was caught at mid-on for a solid 24. In strode captain watermelon to join Man of the Match Ange, who was playing too well and having far too much of a nice time to get out. Neither of them did as they knocked off the remaining runs - Ange undefeated on 30 -  helping the Cowboys to a nine wicket victory in the 21st over, a vast arsenal left unused, surplus to requirement, a bit like the watermelon.

With no refreshments to hand and another two dozen overs left in a glorious summer's day, various routes were taken to Stanton Drew where both were found and to a backdrop of distant hot air balloons and nearby bovine copulation, the 2nd XI fought to complete a splendid victory against Whitchurch 3rd XI.

Scorecard


Saturday 29 June 2013

Exit through the toilets

Halfway through the season, with Iggy injured, the Cowboys were set to ride off to Blackhorse Lane with Ev holding the reins - except Ev was still asleep and his horse had bolted. After a telephonic bucket of water over the head from Iggy, he grabbed a donkey and headed north-west.

It was bright and sunny with intermittent clouds and a westerly breeze. Continuing the run of good luck with the coin, Ev won the toss and decided that the pitch was worth batting on first and strode out to open with Grover. After twelve overs they had managed thirteen runs, with Grover outscoring Ev who had possibly gone back to sleep. The scorers had.

Grover was caught trying to push the score along, after which it became Ben's duty to keep Ev awake. Together they got the score to fifty before Ev was bowled after his resilient and judicious occupancy of the crease / tedious blocking (delete as preferred). Tooley came in and matched Ben for stylish strokeplay, both of them the epitome of fine batsmanship, sending the ball racing to the boundary across an unpredictable and unforgiving outfield. On his way to fifty, one of Tooley's mighty blows took the fielder over the line at long-off for six and when he was caught for 55 with the score on 131-3 he'd upped the run rate and helped the Cowboys to a healthy position.

On his debut for the Saturday 1st XI, Asad scored a highly useful run-a-ball 20 with his resolute partner Ben and when bowled, with the score on 156-4, was replaced by second debutant Ollie. With the overs running out and orders to extract as much as possible from them, Ollie was unfortunate to be caught early on but avoided the ignominy that befell his successor Lalith, who perished for a duck. The collapse continued when Ben's was the fourth wicket to fall for five runs, bowled for a vital 39. Garnier and the Landlord eked out a few more runs from what was left of the 40 overs to get the total to 176-7.

Tea was served in a room accessed through the toilets that made toilets in a French campsite look classy. Everyone tried hard not to drop their doughnuts and indiscriminate baps on the floor on the hasty way back out.

Defending their total on a pitch that exhibited the potential for turn and bounce, Ev selected RT1 and Lalith to open the bowling, the former perfoming with customary guile and accuracy, the latter immediately having both batsmen in trouble and in no position to score. Bowling one opener for a duck, Lalith bowled out his very economical spell as Garnier replaced RT1 from the other end.

Looking very deft behind the stumps, Ollie pulled off a remarkable wide catch off Garnier's bowling that would later be chosen as the Cider Moment and the excellence continued when Lalith set up and bowled the new batsman with a flicked carrom ball in his final over, ending with 2-13. The Landlord replaced Lalith but didn't match his economy and the partnership grew, with SteveO unable to stem the relative flurry of runs at the other end. The Landlord's yorker finally did for the opening bat, who fell short of his fifty with Oldfield Park on 108-4.

Asad bowled a fine, brisk debut spell, limiting any chance the opposition had of catching up with and maintaining the required run rate, which was creeping over a run a ball. Wickets could have arrived sooner, due to the usual one or two spilled catches but also a batsman and umpire's inability to feel, see, hear or smell an edge that everyone else had. C'est la vie. They departed in the end, thanks largely to Asad's Man of the Match winning 3-17 and a textbook (cricket) boundary catch by RT1 after a textbook (cookery) spilled one by the Landlord.

Ev bowled an over to show that he was awake now, thought twice, mumbled something about maths and gave the ball to RT1 for a second spell. The opposition didn't appear to have the clout or will to chase the target and one of their own was heard to shout, "the object of the game is to win." No such lack of intent from the Cowboys, who put the pythonesque (snake) squeeze on Oldfield Park to a Pythonesque (Monty) soundtrack from a neighbourhood ice cream van. RT1 picked up a late return catch to ensure that the fire was out and after 40 overs the innings petered out on 140-8.

Scorecard



Saturday 22 June 2013

Man down

In cricket there are several types of rained-off matches, but this wasn't one of them. Despite overnight rain and an abundance of blue splodges on the rainfall radar, the Saturday 1st XI headed through intermittent light drizzle to Farmborough for their home match against 'big-hitting' Avonside.

Working his solstician magic, Iggy won the toss for the seventh time in succession and once again, with an octet of bowlers at his disposal, asked the opposition to bat first on a green strip with a damp but fast-drying outfield.

Davey and RT1 took the new ball, the latter having the best of possible starts by inducing a mistimed swipe into the covers for the Landlord to pouch, dismissing the reputable opening skipper for a duck. The new batsman and remaining opener then accumulated runs at just under four an over, putting on fifty together until the Landlord, replacing Davey down the hill, starting with two maidens, prompted a risky swipe across the line that found an edge which soared high before descending for RT1 to take a well-judged catch.

Wilki and the Landlord proceeded past drinks, keeping the run rate down and giving stumps and bats a close shave, but it wasn't until Garnier's spell that the next wicket fell. Thereafter, the Avonside middle order sought to up the tempo, attacking Lalith, who responded to no avail by bowling off a Duncanesque longer run.

After Garnier hit the stumps for the second time to dismiss the opener just short of his half-century, the opposition, with wickets in hand, piled on the runs as Ev and the returning Davey tried their best to prevent them from doing so. Both picked up a wicket apiece in the process and RT1's second spell earned him a couple more, one from his trademark slower delivery after being hit for a six the previous ball.

At the end of their 40 overs 'The Riverbank Men' had amassed 227-8, which was perhaps no more than had been expected earlier in the week, but a few more than had been forecast earlier in the afternoon.

Gratitude is owed to Ange not only for providing the tea, but for the pizza and chips back at the pub later. After a light passing shower he took his Nimbus 2013 to the wicket with Grove to open the Cowboys' reply.

The pair coped well with Avonside's pacey opening bowlers, building a slow but solid opening partnership, finding the boundary with just enough regularity and reaching fifty together unscathed. The middle of the brother's willow certainly appeared to have some oomph in it and he used it well. Grove was the first to depart, caught at point off the slow bowling of the opposing skipper, then Ange was out in a similar fashion to the bowler from the other end: 65-2.

Ev and Wilki tried to rebuild, one eye on the escaping run rate, but when Ev was not long after caught at extra cover and Davey his replacement was bowled a couple of overs later, there was a familiar blue funk in the air. Wilki's departure in a similar fashion to the same bowler compounded the feeling: 84-5.

If anyone was capable of maintaining the required asking rate it was Iggy, with solid support from Preash. The latter, hitting the ball with more force each week, looked more than capable of staying around in support, but perished to another catch before the hundred was up, bringing Lalith to the middle.

The pair's sensible but purposeful intent paid off and the score picked up as both got their eye in, unleashed some powerful blows and dashed up and down the wicket. Then, with a crack that would have been picked up by Snicko, Iggy's calf muscle tore, depositing him on the ground and to the sideline for weeks to come, but not until the job in hand was completed. This was going to require a runner and possibly the chaos that one often brings to proceedings: Step forward the Landlord, next man in and never yet run out while playing for the Cowboys.

Iggy continued to defend and bludgeon as best he could, the other two doing the scampering up and down without incident or comedy, until the tragedy of his dismissal at mid-on for 28 (with a strike rate of 155, if the scorebook is to be believed, although for parts of the afternoon it is not).

Lalith took over the heavy hitting, joined now by the runner turned batsman, both searching for the runs to keep their team in contention, but when Lalith failed to complete a second run to a good throw and departed for 20, the required run rate was over ten an over with only two wickets left. Enter Garnier with the Nimbus 2013, throwing hands and craftsmanship at a ball with a modicum of width and sending it hurtling to the square boundary like a hare escaping a greyhound, twice, thereby garnering enough votes to win the Cider Moment.

There was some more scampering between wickets before Garnier's cameo ended (word up!) and he fell to the opening bowler's second spell with the score on 164-9, still some sixty runs short. Could Tinkler and Taylor perform a heroic tenth wicket stand? Apparently not, as the Landlord attempted a quick single to the best arm on the field, didn't ground his bat and was run out for the first time in fifty-one games.

The Landlord was voted Man of the Match, probably not for being run out for five and dropping a catch, possibly in sympathy, as a member of the opposition had inadvertently gone off with his raincoat and a heavy shower was imminent.

Scorecard



Saturday 8 June 2013

Springwatch Special : Ducks

Even after it seemed well done and dusted, some of the Cowboys exhibited great stamina and carried on: Garnier, RT1 & Lalith heroically refused to give up while others thought it was all over. The match might have ended hours earier in an almost humiliating defeat to bottom of the table Stratton on the Fosse, but at the Plough, boy could those Cowboys dance to that hippity hop music that they have these days.

"OMG, WTF happened there?" asked a magpie on the square at Farmborough as the Cowboys drained the barrels from the Ormigrove brewery."I blame the new caps", said a leatherjacket larvae, trying not to become a light supper, safe in the knowledge that fines for such dissent had already been dished out.

"Well", chirped a blackbird, who had witnessed the whole of the afternoon's proceedings from the shade of a boundary chestnut tree, " It went a little something like this."

As a mere formality, the skipper tossed a coin with his opposite number, won again and asked the opposition to bat against his octet of bowlers: A hot afternoon in the field was guaranteed, despite a gusting north-easterly breeze.

RT1 and Garnier bowled with customary theodolite-accuracy, beating the bat on numerous occasions and limiting the batsmen to only a couple of runs an over, accumulated as the ball flew from edges across the fast outfield. Both eventually took out an opening batsman towards the end of their tidy spells to have the Fosse on around 50-2.

The Landlord further contained the incoming batsman and after many vociferous interrogations of the umpire removed one LBW, then clipped the top of another's off stump. Nice. SteveO swung his jazz from the other end but was wicketless and the No.3 batsman, who'd been let off the hook when a catch went down, soon commenced to make midsummer hay.

It wasn't to be MattD's day with the ball, nor Lalith's, as the batsmen found the boundary with regularity after drinks, accelerating the run rate, building on modest beginnings and pushing the total beyond that which had earlier been thought likely: This was the team after all that had been dismissed by Bath for 46, albeit now bolstered by a new No.3 batsman who had just scored a fifty.

Iggy then had a go, but it was wizard Wilko, the last of the octet, who eventually removed both batsmen with Preash taking a smart second catch behind the stumps. The opposition batted out the remaining overs of their innings without loss to end on 205-6.

Tea comprised more baguettes than there are in a Parisian boulangerie, but the entente cordiale was maintained by scones, cream and jam and the Rapid Tea Response Squad stood down.

If the skipper had been somewhat spoilt for choice with his bowling octopus, the batting looked like plankton, if not on paper then in the deep water that the Cowboys found themselves in a few overs later. Grove clung to the liferaft as his partners disappeared, prey to a fine spell of quick swing bowling that found edges and stumps, leaving the surface of the water littered with ducks. The score was barely in double figures with four wickets down.

Operating with a somewhat inverted batting order, all was not lost as there was better batting to come. Grover's resilience and MattD's purposeful belief moved the score along, but after the opening bowler's 4-17 the slower replacement bowling was almost as hard to get away. After playing well along the ground, occupying the crease and reaching double figures, Grover hit one in the air back to the bowler. Lalith didn't malinger, but in his eagerness holed out too soon.

With six wickets down and a steep hill to climb, MattD, who'd cracked some welcome boundaries, was joined at the wicket by Iggy; the pair of them still capable of stealing victory, the latter exhibiting immediate intent with a powerful straight boundary. It was uncanny that after his departure last week, we'd assumed that J.Burgess was a thousand miles away by now, only for his namesake to be bowling for the opposition, not to mention another Wilko at the other end. Perhaps it was these coincidences that Iggy was dwelling upon, with his head down, when JB2 came in to bowl, startling him when he wasn't expecting the delivery, too late to pull out of committing to play a stroke to the ball that bowled him.

SteveO tried to hang on but was bowled for the fourth of five ducks to waddle across the Cowboys' scorebook. Preash's spirited and capable resistance produced his first boundary for the team, followed by two much better ones, but when MattD was bowled for a Man of the Match winning 39, with the total struggling to reach three figures, the game was up. Cider Moments were hard to come by and even harder to remember after drowning sorrows later. No.11 RT1 should be congratulated on surviving more balls than seven of his teammates, on his way to his duck. Preash did his average no harm, remaining not out on 16: All out for 110 in the 36th over.

"I don't believe you," said the magpie.

Scorecard


Saturday 1 June 2013

Who killed Bambi?

As Garnier served a barbecue at the conclusion of the match against Old Park that tempted your correspondent into the bony realm of pesco-vegetarianism, the fishy was on the little dishy but the boat had failed to come in.

It started so well on a gorgeous first day in June, the cow parsley high, the sun negating a stiff breeze on which wafted pig shite and silage. Ian won the toss for the fifth time in succession and had no hesitation in inserting the opposition on the second-hand strip from the week before and within a trice, RT1 showed that he had very much recovered from injury, in a devastating opening spell that reduced Old Park to 10 for 3. Bolivian-bound Budge bowled beautifully, trapping another batsman LBW to have the opposition in the mire at 18 for 4.

The next partnership put on ninety-five, not for want of accurate bowling, as Matt D and the Landlord prevented the runs from flowing, supported by a busy field, constantly preventing and allowing singles to engineer the strike away from the better bat. One or two sharp chances went to ground and slowly the score advanced. Post-birthday boy Garnier eventually made the breakthrough, springing down the hill with the grace and confidence of a deer that doesn't know it's venison, as Lalith plugged away at the other end, explaining LBW laws to the umpire with eventual success.

The Cowboys did well to restrict the opposition in the final overs, Garnier dismissing the big gun for 79 and trapping another batsman LBW, Ev buying a wicket thanks to a superlative forward diving Matt D and Ian bowling one tight over that had everyone wondering why the skip hadn't bowled more. Old Park's number eleven didn't bat because of a cast on a broken bone and the innings ended in the penultimate over on 153-9.

Duncan provided a sumptuous tea and followed the frittata fad, remembering in the nick of time a green salad tossed with balsamic vinegar to perfect the culinary delight. Brave though, to cock a snoot at the warning last week about the supplier of said egg-based thing not taking any wickets or scoring (many) runs.

Tooley opened the innings with Ev, requiring four an over to win. However, one of the opposition opening bowlers had other ideas and was only allowing one run an over to leak: It was slow progress. So slow in fact, that your correspondent was foolish enough, when sitting next to the fines-meister, to remark, "Isn't that a kestrel?", incurring an immediate financial penalty for twitching with ornithological interest near the field of play.

Back on the pitch, the foundation was being laid and although the builders were a bit slow, it was good firm workmanship. Tooley downed tools on being caught for a dozen, bringing B-b-Budge out to bat for the last time this season. Naturally he made it count, scoring three boundaries and developing a near fifty run partnership with Ev, who was the first to go, for 34: At 84-2 the Cowboys were more than halfway home.

Batting like a man with a boat to catch, B-b-Budge was soon bowled for 26 and when Matt D came and went for a duck which wasn't on the menu, alas, the curse of the frittata led Duncan to depart early for half a dozen (eggs?), the fourth Cowboy to be caught. The skipper came in to partner Lalith, but the little man within urged him to poke at a wide one he'd intended to leave well alone and he was caught at point with the score choking at 103-6.

Your correspondent then came to the crease, intent on giving the strike to Lalith, who whopped two mighty sixes with it before being caught LBW on the back foot for a baker's dozen: Seven down, thirty-odd runs still needed from around the equivalent number of balls. Helpfully, the opposition gave away a few wides to reduce the target, a four was edged behind and mid-off spilled a chance that was drilled at him, allowing the run rate to progress as required, but when RT1 was bowled the Cowboys were still twenty runs short and Garnier was not a happy bunny to have to come out to bat with Bambi to barbecue.

A dozen runs short, the Landlord was bowled for 21, bringing Preash to the wicket to help Garnier scramble over the line but on the penultimate ball of the innings, with four runs required for victory he was run out by the plaster cast-assisted arm of the Old Park number eleven.

After the match, SteveO's ale and Garnier's tucker provided a perfect evening to an imperfect day, B-b-Budge was voted Man of the Match for bowling, batting and bicycling and Matt D's diving catch was adjudged the Cider Moment.

Scorecard


Saturday 25 May 2013

Farmborough frittata

It was clear fresh and bright at Farmborough when the Cowboys convened to play against Midsomer Norton, although the same adjectives could not perhaps be attributed to all players in the home team.

Skipper Iggy won the toss for the fourth time in succession and gave the new ball to Budge and Garnier who both pegged the openers down with a tidy line and length, initially restricting the opposition to a paltry two runs an over. Around the time that Budge started misfiring occasional beamers, one of the batsmen (conveniently) developed an at-the-time unspecified problem and retired from the field, bringing a younger stylish bat to the crease.

As the score snailed along, a large mirror appeared from the clubhouse and was placed on a chair by the boundary. Was this an attempt to dazzle the fielding side with reflected sunlight? A signal to reinforcements in the hills? An opposition narcissist? The real reason revealed itself to be the solution to a problem the retiring batsman had had with a contact lens.

The Landlord and Lalith replaced Budge and Garnier but although they too kept the runs to a trickle and forced a couple of chances that went to ground, no wicket was forthcoming. 'Boring,' shouted Garnier, a man who in averting an accident recently, found himself horizontal in front of a moving car and for whom the arrival of an extraterrestrial test team would now barely merit a raised eyebrow.

At the drinks interval the opposition were around fifty without loss, but soon after the resumption MattD removed the obstinate opener and the previously retired one returned. The odd loose ball was put away and the score advanced slowly, until just before the hundred came up Matt hit the stumps again. A few overs later he bowled the new batsman to claim his third victim and Midsomer Norton were 116-3.

Ev and Dunc tried their arm but were met with a determined effort to raise the run rate in the remaining overs as the batsmen found the boundary with increased frequency. Garnier was prescribed the ball again to counter his attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, forcing the opening bat, who by now had reached his half-century, into a mistimed drive that swirled into the covers for the Landlord to pouch.

Late in the innings, making his debut for the Cowboys, Sean was given the ball and promptly bowled the batsman with his first delivery, thereby ensuring that there was at least one, if only one, potential Cider Moment for which to vote later on. Garnier then bowled the opposition skipper's son, who'd aggressively forced the score up to 165-6 and by the end of the 40th over the total had reached 173.

It's not often that one has to resort to Wikipedia to explain the tea, but ...   
"The Italian word frittata derives from fritta, the feminine past participle of "to fry" (friggere) and was originally a general term for cooking eggs in a skillet, anywhere on the spectrum from fried egg, through conventional omelette, to an Italian version of the Spanish tortilla de patatas, made with fried potato."

What Wikipedia fails to mention is that the making of a frittata absolves the creator from having to take any wickets or score more than one run. Armed with this knowledge (along with many plaudits for a fine tea) Ev strode out to the wicket to open with Grove, returning very soon to do the washing-up: 2-1.

Inspired captaincy saw Budge coming in at number three, where he immediately appeared at home, striking the ball cleanly and running well between the wickets, putting on a near half-century partnership before being bowled for 24. Grove's strokeplay ended not long afterwards when he was caught for 15, leaving Sean and Dunc to rebuild. The former mirrored his success with the ball, displaying some exquisite sweeps and square drives that spliced the field, the latter sweeping even finer and matching his partner's accumulation of boundaries.

When Sean was bowled by the opposition skipper's slow guile for 31, the Cowboys were half way to their target on 87-4. Lalith joined Dunc and stood tall to block a few before bending his knees to scoop the ball aerially out of reach of fielders, launching a couple of sixes over mid-on. A few chances went to ground in the deep but the pair stayed together until Lalith holed out for 24 with the score on 132-5.  With Dunc determinedly dug in, Matt came in and hit a dozen runs, including a six, before being bowled and replaced by Iggy with twenty runs required from the last four or five overs.

With the echoes of Iggy's Bath battering five sixes last week still bouncing around the valley, there was little doubt that the Cowboys would make it over the line, although it was Dunc who knocked off the majority of the remainder, ending unbeaten on a Man of the Match winning 46 and batting his team to a four wicket victory.

Scorecard


Saturday 18 May 2013

Home Farm Run Fest

With a waft of weedkiller on the wind and the call of a pheasant from the southern slope of the valley, the Cowboys took to the field at Farmborough for their first home game of the season against Bath 4th XI. It was still cold for May, but mercifully the space between isobars was further apart than in previous weeks and having won the toss, bowling first was the preferred option.

With RT1 absent injured, Budge and the Landlord took the new ball against a solid opening pair, soon discovering that the pitch and batsmen were unforgiving of anything less then a good length and that perhaps Grover had marked the boundary too short. Budge took a while to adjust his radar but when he found the spot and the batsman sliced to gully, Grover stuck his hand up and plucked the ball from the air, in the now familiar manner of an excitable child urgently requesting the toilet.

A couple of overs later, the Landlord delivered a slow yorker that he and the batsman thought was a beamer and duly found himself apologising before the ball had reached its destination, which turned out to be the base of middle stump, much to their mutual surprise and respective jubilation and grief.

The next man in was an experienced old hand, renown for his ability to hit a good ball from outside off stump over square leg: This he then proceeded to do, his partner proving similarly adept at hitting hard and causing the Cowboys to hone their skills of ball retrieval from the undergrowth.

Lalith and SteveO tried their hand at breaking the partnership, but with little swing or turn to be had and the margin for error small, the ball still regularly found the boundary, until not long after a spilled chance at long-on, a mistimed drive off SteveO dropped short at long-off into the Landlord's hands: 116-3.

Lalith then settled into his spell, making the highly accomplished batsmen work hard, unfortunate to remain wicketless. Ev replaced SteveO but couldn't prevent the run rate from rising to above six a over, the crack of bat on ball mirrored by the sound of shotgun blasts from the top of the hill and as rabbits and pigeons scarpered, Cowboys retreated to the boundary. The partnership grew, Dunc tried his slow-slow-quick-quick-slow routine but couldn't wrong-foot the batters and carrying an injury, Iggy was the last of the bowlers to get mauled for a couple of balls an over, having tied the batsman down for the remainder.

It wasn't until the old hand on weary legs had made a century and his partner had passed fifty that the latter was run out by an impressive direct hit from Grover, who got in on the action again to catch the centurion off Iggy before the innings closed on 289-5.

Tea was a smörgåsbord of love provided by Iggy and Helen and threatened to divert attention from the remainder of the match. Unfortunately, the opposition didn't fall into the trap of consuming so much home-baked bread and cake that they were unable to return to the field and after an indecently short interval the Cowboys set about scoring 7.25 an over to win.

Ev and Ange started off with positive intent and in great style, finding the boundary regularly as the Bath bowlers struggled with the loose ball. Their fifty partnership came up gratifyingly early, evidence for any who might have been in any doubt that there were runs in the pitch. Just before the pair had added a century together at a run a ball Ange was caught for 32.

Bath turned to flighted spin which Ben and Ev treated with respect when due, stroked and smashed when not. Before long they too had added a half century partnership and when Ben was bowled, the score had rattled along to 159-2 with Ev on 88. Without adding to this, the jug evasion panel was convened as Ev attempted a run too risky given the swift accuracy of the fielding side and was forced to curtail his combative and productive occupancy of the crease.

A second run out success for the opposition ended Dunc's stay as a familiar Cowboy wobble ensued: After Grover nearly hit a ball for six he missed another and was bowled and when Lalith became the second in the innings to be bowled by a maiden with the score on 177-6 the outlook wasn't rosy. However, Iggy brought fresh impetus to the attack, batting with a brutal assertiveness that suggested the possibility of scoring the remaining hundred runs by himself, along the way launching five sixes and causing the opposition to doubt their ability to defend the total.

At the other end, Joe fell to another run out, then Preash's defences were breached as the score reached two hundred, but with eight wickets down and the Landlord at the wicket, Iggy still oozed confidence and began bludgeoning the ball harder and further. When his penultimate partner was given out LBW after edging the ball onto his foot, the Cowboys' skipper still looked capable of hitting the remaining seventy runs from the last seven overs. Alas the bubble burst when he was caught just short of a remarkably fast half century and the Cowboys lost by 62 runs.

Ev's opening innings earned him the Man of the Match vote and Grover's outstretched hand won him the Cider Moment. Fines were heavily incurred.
Scorecard


Saturday 11 May 2013

Methodist madness

It's a little known fact that in the North Somerset dialect there are seventeen words for wind, yet none of them can accurately convey the climatic conditions which greeted the Cowboys on their arrival at Norton Hill School for their first outing against Midsomer Norton Methodists, who appeared to have prepared a wicket of moss on the side of a geological fault line.

Before the fun began, in what can only have been an act of sabotage to prevent a challenge to his batting average, Ev ran over Preash's kit in the car park, which happily, like it's owner, showed determined resistance and refused to buckle.

Having successfully tossed a coin and not seen it blown to the next county, the skipper invited The Meths to bat and handed the new cherry to Rich and Rob. Both bowled a tidy line and length, given all the geography going on, with the rain now rudely spitting, making the ball difficult to grip. No mean feat then for Lalith to hold on to a catch off RT1, who round about now had twanged part of his leg mechanism and was unable to complete his excellent spell of 1 for 7. On came Matt to replace him, bowling a menacing and threatening line which the batsmen found equally hard to put away, soon hitting the stumps to take the second wicket.

After eight overs of tight and testing deliveries for no reward, Rich was replaced at the portakabin® end by the Landlord. "Why Mr Landlord, do I not get more wickets?" asked Rich in the pub afterwards, having seen his successor sling down a rank first delivery which the hitherto difficult-to-remove batsman smacked in the vicinity of Ben, who took a superlative low catch. The answer to the question is of course to bowl more shite.

Matt's judicious use of the ridged pitch soon brought him a second wicket, to have the opposition at 41 for 4 and without the score advancing further he hit the stumps yet again, finishing with fine figures of 3 for 9. Before the total had reached fifty the Landlord got in on the act and found the stumps too, but then came some resistance as their skipper dug in, smiting some hefty blows and forging a near fifty run partnership, eventually broken by Ev.

There were missed opportunities aplenty as catches went to ground and fielding went awry, the details of which, and some responsibility for, are best left with the fines' fuhrer. Lalith kept his heed at the bowler's end to secure a run out, thanks in part to their skipper, who he then bowled for 46, before wrapping up the innings in the penultimate over by bowling the number 11: All out for 106.

A generous tea and respite from the gale was taken in a portakabin® classroom and comprised fayre that wouldn't have looked out of place in a televised cake bake-off.

From one perfect sponge to another, Grover and Ev strode out, the former returning one ball later, bowled for an ignominious golden duck. With only three runs on the board Ben was similarly bowled and despite powerfully and purposefully walloping his first ball, Angelo was bowled from the other end before the total had reached double figures. Iggy too took a direct approach, intent on putting away the bad ball, but when a lofted shot held up in the wind and was caught by his opposite number, the Cowboys were a windblasted and desperate 15 for 4.

Matt came out to bat and found the boundary once but added only another dozen runs with Ev before falling victim to the wicket which he'd earlier exploited so well with the ball. Lalith started cautiously, building a vital partnership to rescue some semblance of respectability and as the ball was given more air and he hit out, he was fortunate to be dropped at long-off. Far from dulling his resolve, an identical shot was played a short while later, which this time was competently caught.

Preash entered the scene with the score on 47 for 6 and set about rebuilding the mess with Ev, who by now was exhibiting some stylish strokeplay on the tricky sticky wicket. The newcomer blocked well and intelligently farmed the strike to his partner, despite the previous motorised assault on his baggage. The partnership crept along and the score advanced, aided at times by a little wayward bowling and nervous fielding in response to the growing Cowboy authority as the required total began to appear attainable.

Shortly after the pair had made a consummate fifty partnership the hundred came up, but just before Ev was able to complete a half century of his own, he was caught for a solid 46 which was later to earn him the Man of the Match vote. The remaining half a dozen runs were a formality, which the Landlord contributed nothing to, bowled as he was by a low straight one for a duck and it was left to Garner to finish things off with the immovable Preash, who for the second week remained not out on eleven.

Under an improbable rainbow back at the main Midsomer Norton ground, Ben's catch was voted as the Cider Moment and the proceeds from the multifarious fines were donated to his forthcoming marathon running attempt in Edinburgh in aid of Parkinson's UK.

Scorecard

Saturday 4 May 2013

Ill wind

Trying to bowl at Nailsea on Saturday was like throwing a wiff waff ball at a coconut in a hurricane. Which is why I doff my woolly hat to Messrs Burgess, Tinkler, Kumara, Wilkinson and Gibbons for keeping the ball in tight corridors and restricting Nailsea to a fairly paltry and gettable total.

The Cowboys lost here in the final over last year as a cold wind blasted, many small children ran around shrieking and footballers swore behind the beech hedge. Plus ca change.

On paper, the Cowboys looked invincible. Sadly, the paper was caught by a gust of wind and blown down the Severn estuary. And it had all started so well, with Iggy winning the toss and asking the opposition to bat on a slightly damp but fast-drying wicket.

Mister Burgess from the church end and Mister Tinkler from the other opened up the assault with the new ball, which they delivered accurately and beguilingly, despite a stiff breeze in an exposed field, the aspect of which is surely ripe for the erection of several wind turbines capable of supplying electricity to the whole of Bristol.

The ball did have an alarming tendency to fly swiftly from edges to the boundary line, but Joe and Rob kept the runs down and the pressure on, forcing both openers into errors that cost them their wicket. Your correspondent was then given the ball, which he controlled with the dexterity of an inebriated driver in a multi-storey car park, much to the Nailsea batsmen's glee and profit. Did I mention the wind?

Lalith and Mark then showed how it was done, with spells of brave and tight bowling, more than ably assisted by debutant Preash who bagged a couple of stumpings as the Cowboys fought to regain control. Ev came on to bowl at some children who bravely hit back a bit before being dismissed. Somewhere along the way a ball got launched into the airspace above Ben's head and he was blinded by the light - revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night - and forced to take protective action as the ball plummeted to earth a few feet away. How we laughed.  Iggy, having pulled a muscle to ensure his position at slip, held two sharp chances but was unable to bowl, so to limit the opposition to 159 all out on the penultimate ball of the innings, with Ev taking a tidy 4-17 was a par performance. Could we sink the birdie?

Not on a tea of persil-white bread and sugar. Haven't they heard of wholegrains here? At least it wasn't windy inside.

Dave and Ev opened the batting needing four an over. The latter returned in the second, caught behind playing horizontally, leaving Ben to build a partnership which crept up to two an over before Dave was also caught by the keeper. Duncan helped move the score along, Ben timed the ball sweetly for boundaries, then Duncan was caught for a dozen and Mark joined Ben, who was bowled in the 21st over for 29. The Cowboys were 62 for 4, still needing another hundred runs. Lalith arrived at the wicket only to lose Mark the following over, bringing Preash to the crease, who proved a steadying anchorman as Lalith played his shots and sometimes found both ball and boundary.

With the required run rate nearly in sight, Lalith fell to another catch and your correspondent joined Preash, successfuly middling a few before feathering a tickle to the keeper as the ball drifted away. Have I mentioned the wind? Joe stuck around much longer, building what was to be the highest partnership of the innings with Preash, keeping the target in sight and making it look possible. When he fell for a spirited 27 the injured skipper came to the wicket with a runner in tow and possible hilarity ensued. None of us were laughing when he returned after pulling his first ball straight into mid-wicket's hands. RT1 strode confidently out to face the hat-trick ball, the Cowboys still requiring 29 from the last five overs with the last pair at the wicket..

Despite making Nailsea work hard, running and striking with intent and coming close to a remarkable recovery, the Cowboys fell just a dozen runs short with a couple of overs remaining when Rob was bowled for legs eleven, stalwart Preash not out on the same score.

The Man of the Match vote went to Joe and the Cider Moment was shared between Joe palming a ball from his face, Ben's "invisible ball trick" and Iggys two slip catches.

Scorecard

 Photo courtesy E.G.