Unexpected cricket teams in the bagging area

Long before Kraft bought the Somerdale factory from Cadbury's and swiftly closed it down, making local workers redundant and ceasing production of DoubleDeckers (chocolate, not buses Blakey) the Fry's Chocolate Company's sports and social club used to have an apostrophe. These days it's known as Fry Club and the first rule about Fry Club is you do not talk about Fry Club. However,

The previous day's deluge had left the top pitch as gooey as a gateaux and Iggy had no hesitation in asking Avonside to bat first, once he'd won the toss for the thirteenth time. In the words of the late Roy Castle, ‘Dedication’s what you need, if you wanna be a record-breaker,’ and Iggy certainly has been a dedicated tosser this season.

RT1 and Garnier bowled the first half a dozen overs with customary accuracy and magnificent tedious economy. Each bagged a wicket apiece with their opening salvos; first RT1 induced an edge behind, smartly caught by Ollie, who momentarily misplaced his Ps and Qs in his assertion of the batsman's downfall, neither of them noticing the umpire's index finger of confirmation. Shortly afterwards Garnier bowled the other opener during a wicket maiden that left the opposition on 7-2.

The next pair at the crease put on 71, first taking around five an over from the remainder of RT1 and Garnier's spells, then scoring a couple of boundaries off Ev's first over. Fielding was generally keen and smart - Ange got behind a point blank smash that would have perforated a lesser man - but the boundaries were mostly short, one on a separate contour line.  The Landlord didn't initially fare much better in the attempt at keeping a lid on the simmering pot, but then Ev made the breakthrough, forcing a mistimed drive in the air to mid-off where Kalu made no mistake (unlike the four he'd earlier let through his legs down the hill that caused howls and barks) and at drinks the opposition were on 81-3.

After the break both bowlers tied the batsmen down for a while (modesty would prevent the Landlord from boasting about his last four overs going for just two runs) but couldn't get them out. Although the run rate had now dropped to below four, Avonside had the potential of being very dangerous in the remaining overs with seven wickets in hand. As has so often been the case this season, Iggy had at least eight bowlers to choose from. This week the fifth arm of the octopus was Kalu, but there was ink all over the scorebook when his first couple of overs went for 27. RT1 was kept busy in the outfield and parried what would have been a spectacular catch instead of a muntered one. Both the skipper and Kalu bravely persevered and in his third over he bowled the No.5 to end the partnership: 136-4.

Meanwhile AB had come on to bowl at the other end, also finding success in his third over by bowling the incoming batsman: 149-5 with half a dozen overs remaining. The No3 then accelerated the run rate, pushing his own score towards a century, hitting at least a six from each of Kalu's next three overs before the bowler's nerve and flight outdid the batsman's judgement and he was bowled for 96. Suddenly remembering that this was the last opportunity to bowl on grass for the next seven months, Iggy brought himself and AndyB on to bowl, the latter taking a wicket with his second ball, Iggy pouching a fine caught and bowled off his third ball and striking again with the next one (his dad was watching). AndyB responded to being hit for six from the first ball of the final over by bowling the No.10 with the next, wrapping up the innings on 184, the last five wickets having fallen for thirteen runs.

The tea break coincided with the end of a soccer match being played by the club house, adding to the usual shabby debacle of tea time at Fry's. Not even a choccy biccie in sight. Those with polystyrene cup, white bread and doughnut allergies brought alternatives (ok, just me).

Ev and Ange carried forward the momentum gained at the end of Avonside's innings, batting positively and scoring at five an over until the sixth, when Ange was caught in front of the wicket for 14. Ev was caught behind for 13 off the first ball of the following over, AndyB bowled for a duck with the fifth and with the score on 33-3 the Cowboys needed some consolidation. Step forward Iggy, who, with vociferous female support and under paternal scrutiny, knuckled down and kept the score ticking over. At the other end, although the supportive role was vital, Justin's watch had apparently stopped and he struggled to find scoring opportunities. Both batsmen eventually succumbed to successive deliveries; Justin LBW sweeping for 4, Iggy caught at long on for 27, just after some Jonah had mentioned that the new bowler, the opposition skipper, was a canny one with the ball: 75-5.

AB then completely disproved the Jonah theory by smiting said bowler for four fours in his next over, while Ollie had a less productive and pleasant time at the other end. At drinks the Cowboys were precisely half way to their target on 92-5, but immediately afterwards Ollie was caught close to the wicket and the balance of the match swung slightly back in the opposition's favour. Kalu joined AB and for five overs they kept the required run rate in sight before Kalu was caught in the 25th over for 8 with the score on 106-7.

The sky brightened, a hot air balloon took off from a field near the river. The Landlord didn't find the bowling particularly challenging but there was movement behind the bowler's arm, albeit approximately 93 million miles away and bright orange-coloured. To have attempted to watch the ball out of the bowler's hand would have meant instant blindness. Adjusting headgear, squinting out of one eye and prodding straight seemed to be the best policy. Batting at the other end, by comparison, was a doddle and so it was utter madness for the Landlord to be run out for 10 attempting to get away from that end and an act of kindness for AB to sagely send him back. A shame about the direct hit: 127-8.

With ten overs remaining the Cowboys required just less than a run a ball to win. With AB and now Garnier at the wicket it was still a plausible plot, but a couple of overs later the curtains came down prematurely as AB was bowled for 32 and without the score advancing, Garnier was blinded by the light (wrapped up like a deuce, another runner in the night) and bowled for 6. All out for 134 in the 34th over, fifty runs short.

AB won the Man of the Match vote for his batting and bowling and did the double, or triple, by being awarded the Cider Moment for his pugnacious 4x4 over. Iggy also won plaudits for his caught and bowled, as did RT1 for his fielding and nearly fielding of the ball.

If rumours of the impending redevelopment of this part of the ground are correct, it's likely that this was the last cricket match to be played on the top pitch and just possible that the wicket could become a supermarket aisle: Unexpected cricket teams in the bagging area.

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Rescue and redemption

When your No.11 is looking around for pads with less than twenty runs on the board, you know you're in trouble. At least Garnier had brought some beer so we could have a beer match afterwards. In the meantime, there was trouble at t'mill, or more accurately, out there in the middle from whence batsmen were returning with alarming regularity.

And the pitch had appeared quite benign on first inspection; neither a belter nor a sticky one, creating some doubt in the team and the skipper's mind as to what to do when Iggy inevitably won the toss again - for a staggering twelve times in succession (which now suggests that he's been taking lessons from Derren Brown, convincing the opposition skippers that they're seeing whichever side of the coin he tells them).

In went Ev and Ange, the latter undone by a corker of a ball that bowled him for a duck, then Barney helped Ev get the total past a dozen before being caught behind for four, bringing AndyB to the wicket for his debut innings for the team. A couple of balls later he'd been adjudged LBW by home team umpire Kalu, both of whom sought verification of their viewpoint from the DRS well into the evening. AB fell victim without scoring to a caught and bowled with the total still on 15 and a few runs later Ev was caught behind off a "shite ball" from the same bowler: 18-5.

By now the eventual No.11 had suggested that the original No.11 on the scorecard go in a bit earlier, being a considerably better batter. As suggestions go it was a no-brainer and quite possibly a match-winner, as Iggy and Asad rebuilt the innings from scratch and began to dominate the bowling attack. After those initial tortuous opening overs with wickets tumbling, the fifty came up in no time with both batsmen knuckling down and punishing the bad balls. With power and good shot selection Asad initially outscored the skipper, who from the outset oozed determination and intent, playing himself in and forging a vital partnership of 73.

With five boundaries in his essential 39 it was Asad who went first, caught at long on with the score a little rosier, but still a bit poorly on 91-6: Enter Ollie, who after looking rather unsteady to start with, made himself at home under Iggy's wing before playing back and launching his own assaults upon the opposition prey, inflating both the run rate and the total higher than could have been dreamt of earlier. Up, up and away, past the dizzying heights of 100, then 150, the pair done good.

As Iggy scooped the ball into gaps, reached his fifty and the Cowboys moved from grief to euphoria, so the Oldfield Park XI's spirit crashed, burned and ate its own tail. Ollie eventually plundered seven boundaries in his rapid fire innings of 35 from a couple of dozen balls, all the more remarkable given his relatively slow and uncertain start. When he holed out he'd put on 91 with Iggy and exactly doubled the score: 182-7.

There was some concern, what with all the balls that had been smacked into the hedges by the Cowboys' middle order, that there may not be enough left to finish the game: Enter Kalu, a man sometimes permanently preoccupied with the desire to launch the ball into space and beyond. Happily he kept it to the confines of the county, playing deft late cuts as well as hearty blows. Iggy meanwhile had cracked a six at the other end in addition to the other nine boundaries and was not alone in daring to wonder whether he could face enough balls and hang around long enough to reach three figures. Alas, the truth of the dare was that after a fine captain's innings he fell caught and bowled for 77.

Kalu kicked on from there, taking the score past 200 with Garnier, who farmed the strike to his partner and hit his own boundaries on the way to his highest innings total for five years and the Cowboys' largest total all season: 237-9. Blaming the scorers, on the last ball of the innings had he realised that it was such, he might not have run out Kalu for 21.

Everyone was to blame, or thank for the tea, being as it was a co-operative, communal affair. It certainly led to a wealth of variety and the leftovers would have fed a family of refugee badgers for a week.

A well-fed chirpy home team took to the field to defend six an over. Neither Garnier nor AndyB let them get anywhere near that but the opening batsmen were still resolute, infamously stubborn to remove. Though economical, Garnier seemed to have trouble with his radar from the bottom end and while AndyB frequently threatened to take a wicket there was still no breakthrough after a dozen overs. Tim and Kalu then chanced their arms, still keeping things tight and building pressure on the batsmen, who were losing sight of their required run rate despite passing a half-century partnership together.

Tim's skiddy seamers often found the edge and pads, but the umpire was not only immovable but affronted by the frequency of LBW appeals, leading to the conclusion that he was missing a page from his copy of the relevant laws. Kalu finally claimed the first scalp in the 20th over, thanks not only to Ollie's smart catch behind the stumps but the batsman's self-ejection for 32, removing the umpire's involvement by walking after a faint snick: 63-1. Like proverbial buses, another two wickets arrived that same over as Kalu flighted, spun and deceived the next men out for ducks; the first bowled, the second caught by Ollie. Stunned by three quick blows, the opposition now required more than eight an over against a home side brimming with confidence and a bagful of bowling to come.

After another tight five overs Kalu clung on to a smart return catch that he didn't have time to think about dropping, but unfortunately the same could not be said of Ange, who dropped a tame lob to silly mid off a couple of overs later to deny Kalu his fifth wicket in his last over. Shed not a tear, dear reader, but rejoice in Ange's redemption and salvation a ball or three later, when he bagged a sharp one, propelling Kalu jugward to 5-27. A very small boy on the boundary edge was confused by the cheering: "Did you do a good bat dad?" he shouted to his father who'd been at the crease since the start. "Yes", came a sheepish reply, which was by and large true until Ev bowled him a few overs later: 98-6.

A couple of overs each from Ev and Iggy further tightened the screws on the opposition's innings, after which two each from Asad and AB swiftly brought it to a close: Asad hit the stumps with the first ball directed towards them and AB had similar radar adjustments before striking twice in one over to snuff out a tail he was too good for. One opposition batsman had declined to make the journey to the crease, thus the innings was closed on 120-9 and the Cowboys had won by 117 runs.

Iggy's splendid rescue knock of 77 won him Man of the Match, while Ange's drop and redemption came top of the pile of Cider Moment nominations, another couple of which involved Kalu's masterful spell. Big ups to Garnier and Ange for ale and pizza provision.

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Over before tea

Professor Garnier looked up from his computer at the meteorological department. The forecast wasn't good. He'd emailed his associates to warn them of the impending rainfall that would scupper the afternoon's activities and was now free to tuck into the sumptuous tea that he'd prepared which would now be surplus to requirement.

The rest of the Saturday 1st XI left the city for Farmborough as the breeze intensified and the sky darkened, but on arrival the threatening clouds hadn't delivered, the pitch looked good and Wrington 2nd XI were up for a game. Iggy won the toss for the eleventh time in a row and patted the rabbit's foot, four-leaf clover, horseshoe and lump of coal in his pocket. He'd only told people that he'd injured his Achilles tendon because they would have laughed at him if he'd told them that the real reason he couldn't run was because he had to carry all that lot around in his pocket.

Meanwhile, Garnier woke up and belched, frantically brushing stilton, pork pie and cake crumbs from his chest, muttering expletives as he looked out of the window and didn't see rain. Slipping on a half-eaten foie gras canape, he dashed out of the house and headed for the ground, running a supermarket delivery van off the road en-route and ransacking its contents for later.

The other ten Cowboys had by now taken the field with RT1 and AndyB spearheading the new ball attack. The newly adopted policy of returning the ball to the bowler as quickly as possible without any intermittent third party polishing, together with a speedy urgency between overs to beat the rain, contributed to a palpable eagerness, creating pressure on the batsmen from the start. Both bowlers plied their craft admirably with RT1 having early success from the top end when he took a sharp low return catch to dismiss the opposition skipper, then striking again to bowl the No.3. Tooley's remarkable outstretched effort at gully gave him his third victim and reduced Wrington to 6-3, round about the time that Garnier appeared and snuck onto the field.

From the other end, it was AndyB's turn to break through the opposition's crumbly batting and with the surviving opener looking on, he bowled one, two, three of the hapless Wringtones, possibly all in the same over. At 17-6 it was a little surreal - like viewing highlights on fast forward -  this game that wasn't supposed to happen and still might not end if the spots of rain intensified and became prolonged, as forecast.

After RT1 and AndyB's devastating seven over spells of 3-10 and 3-19, Kalu and Tim took over in trying to remove the resistant No.2 and exposed tail. After a lot of swishing without connecting, the opener - and only batsman to make double figures - eventually tickled one through off Tim for Ollie to take a sharp low edge, while at the other end Kalu held a well-struck caught and bowled. At some point a batsman arrived at the crease carrying what appeared to be a child's toy, which some claimed to go by the name of a Mongoose, although it was neither a small carnivorous mammal nor, evidently, of any use for playing cricket. Kalu bowled the No.9 to conclude his five over spell with 2-21, making way for Garnier who bowled seven dot balls, the last of which the No.11 struck in the vicinity of AB, who casually plucked it out of the air with one hand to wrap things up: 61 all out in the 27th over.

Mindful of Garnier's legendary teas (and the rain that had come and gone but would surely pay a proper visit later) the opposition were keen to pause between innings but Iggy was having none of it and sent Ev and Tooley out to bat, just as another few spots of drizzle blotted the scorebook.

The long-lasting Wrington bat also opened the bowling but was no match for the Cowboys' opening pair, who struck fourteen from his first two overs, double that off the bowler from the other end. Tooley timed the ball impeccably, pulling, driving and cutting the ball to the boundary with heartening regularity, outscoring Ev who was nonetheless ever vigilant to every scoring opportunity, neither of them bothered by what came their way.

The light rain troubled no one apart from the scorer, for whom Iggy attempted to arrange an umbrella, producing instead a disemboweled octopus which like a kite he flew in the prevailing wind. A straight blow from Tooley sailed on the same wind over the boundary for six, the run rate now an unprecedented ten an over and a rare ten wicket victory almost in the bag. Of all the Cowboys, perhaps Garnier was the least delighted that the winning runs were struck in the seventh over, giving him less than the optimum time for throwing together a rain-affected tea. For that he has to lay the blame with Tooley for playing such a flawless and determined, if jug-avoiding, 46 not out from 23 balls as well as RT1 and AndyB's earlier three-fers.

The Cider Moment and Man of the Match awards quite probably went to Tooley for his gully catch and RT1 for his deadly opening spell and it is with regret, especially having written it down in the scorebook at the time, that your correspondent can not remember with certainty, susceptible as he is to post-match ale induced short term memory loss and the disintegration of the associated neural pathways forever.

Later, Ev's memory displayed no such signs of degeneration when he texted, "Last Saturday XI 10 wkt win was in Aug 09 vs WSM at Bristol CC ground. Jeffo and Grant knocked off 34 in 7 overs. I took 4 for 3, best of which was the old lady with her arm in plaster."

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The lady and the gentlemen

With no sign of inclement weather to curtail the afternoon, the Saturday 1st XI travelled to the pristine grounds of Downside School in Stratton-on-the-Fosse to play S-o-t-F 2nd XI. The pitch was slightly damp from overnight rain and Iggy had little hesitation in asking the opposition to bat after yet again winning the toss. The mathematics professors duly attempted to calculate the probability, if not the absurdity, of correctly calling a coin ten times in a row, but to accompanying puffs of smoke and the grinding of cog wheels, their brains exploded.

(0.5x0.5x0.5x0.5x0.5x0.5x0.5x0.5x0.5x0.5x0.5 = 0.00048828125 = 1/2048 = 2048 to 1 ?) (5 marks)

RT1 and Garnier took the new ball, exerting pressure once they'd adjusted their sights, RT1 making an early breakthrough when he bowled the No.1 with only a couple of runs on the board. With the field alert and buoyed by success, the batsmen found runs hard to come by and when Garnier's guile knocked over Nos. 3 & 4 with the score on 18, the inappropriately named 'Down-Ciders' had a leak in their flagon.

Kalu and Tim replaced the successful opening bowlers as the hitherto quiet No.2 batsman hit out and upped the run rate, but a very sharp catch from Ollie behind the stumps saw off the No.5 with the score on 38-4. On a slow pitch the batsmen struggled to score off Kalu but found runs from the other end as the tall No.2 drove aerially to the boundary, once grazing the not so small RT2's finger (fined). RT1 made no mistake with a regulation catch off Kalu to end the partnership and a few runs later Kalu struck again, bowling the danger man and reducing the score to 73-6.

With a bag of bowlers still up his sleeve and each so far having bowled six, Iggy brought on the algebraic pairing of 2AB: AndyB and AB. Both bowled economically, apart from a smattering of wides that were cumulatively to become the second highest scorer, but it was Andy who removed the next batsman thanks to an RT2 catch and without the score advancing got another, who played straight into Kalu's hands at leg slip: 84-8. Offering little resistance, Andy cut off the rest of the tail too; one caught by Garnier, the last young man bowled, to end with a fine 4-11 from nineteen balls and the innings closed on 92 in the 29th over.

Without pausing between innings, the Cowboys set about facing ten overs before the interlude and with much associated scurrying the batsmen and umpires prepared themselves. The distance between the pitch and the pavilion being greater than that between the pitch and the woods, RT1's choice of venue for his required comfort break was understandable, unless you didn't like that sort of thing and a nearby exclamation of haughty disgust suggested that somebody didn't: Vociferously proclaiming, "This is a game for gentlemen," the lady took much placating as she threatened protestations to the league, the skipper's apologies falling on cloth ears.

With their catheters in place, Ev and RT2 starting off positively, solid in defence and alert to scoring possibilities: It was RT2's keenness that led to his demise when he was run out backing up, Ev propelling a ball straight back that the bowler deflected onto the stumps.

Upstairs in the pavilion, overlooking the 1st XI pitch with the school and the abbey behind, the surroundings outshone the perfectly adequate tea.

After the resumption, a mackerel sky heralding a changing weather front, DaveT and Ev continued their partnership. The former outscored the latter, both playing straight and appearing in control, the opposition having no choice but to set an attacking field and hope to exploit any swing that their bowlers could extract from the conditions. With the score just short of fifty, Dave was the first to go, bowled for 21 and as Ev now started playing more expansive shots, Ollie tried to find his feet.

Having struck some powerful blows and wound up the bowler to a chuntering state, Ev was caught for 20, the score now on 61-3. Kalu and Ollie found the going tough, the requisite timing eluding them, the former holing out early bringing AB to the wicket, who soon settled in and began to dominate the bowling, finding the boundary with a series of pugnacious shots that put the outcome of the match in no doubt. Some time after the ringing of the six o'clock Angelus bell, the hapless young opposition No.11 was given the ball, the only delivery from whom was hit for five as AB secured the win by six wickets, remaining unbeaten on 25.

AndyB got the MotM vote for his tidy and efficient clean up and Ollie's catch lost out to the incident of the outraged lady for the (Down)Cider Moment. Thirsty and in a dry spot, the Cowboys headed to Farmborough where they drank all the 2nd XI's beer and failed to help them to win. Sorry bout that. It's been suggested that fines from the 1st XI game be offered as reparation.


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Chucking it down

"Oi! Get off the pitch," were the words with which we were greeted by the opposition as we stood around surveying the wicket before the match against Old Park at the Fry Club ground in Keynsham. Perhaps they mistook our trainers for stilettos or maybe it was a wind up. It was certainly a taste of things to come.

Iggy proved his credentials as a winning tosser and put the opposition into bat on a damp, drying strip, beneath which we'd not had enough time to plant our IEDs as was evidenced by the opposition's 98 run opening partnership. The algebraic opening bowling pair of 2ABs (Bhatnagar & Bowen) commenced respectively fast and tight, but the run rate rose to four, then five an over as RT2 and Kalu took over and the batsmen were let off with a series of three dropped dollies, each easier than the last.

Finally, sprinting in from long-off, the real AB (there were three in the team) took a fine catch off Kalu's bowling, made all the more impressive by the associated blood and thumb injury and his teammates' butterfingers.

Adhering to some kind of quinary system the skipper was allotting his bowlers five over spells and as the rain clouds menaced, Asad and the Landlord's turn came. Asad had early success, bowling the remaining opener for 58 and putting a much-needed squeeze on the score's progression. Your correspondent's bowling was treated most disrespectfully with some effective hoiking across a good line, but there was success from the other end when Asad had an LBW appeal upheld: 115-3.

Exactly when the murmuring started is hard to say, perhaps it was at the fall of the next wicket, when Asad bowled the No.4, or the ball after when he bowled the No.6, but from somewhere in the ranks of the opposition came the accusation that he was throwing. Whether sour grapes, sledging or considered opinion wasn't initially evident and as runs leaked at the other end and the rain clouds rolled in depositing a heavy shower, the players left the field with the score on 139-5, Asad with figures of 4 for 8.

An early tea was taken, the authenticity of which was also in question as bread whiter than the paper plates from which the doughnuts rolled tasted worse than the polystyrene cups in which the tepid weak tea was served, in a corridor.

It kept raining, it stopped, the pitch looked very sticky and nobody wanted to go near it with stilettos, slippers or studs, except perhaps for Asad, who may have bettered the season's best bowling performance, or not: The word from the tea of uncertainty corridor was that if play resumed, the opposition (umpire) intended to no-ball the Cowboys' most effective bowler for throwing, recurrence of which under the Laws results in suspension from further bowling in the match, or in reality perhaps a punch-up.

Escaping from all that, the team adjourned to the bar where they were greeted by the locals as "ragamuffins" and scowled at by the barmaid.

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Abandoned

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Bath Bomb

Bath 4th XI's Brownsword ground at Lansdown Hill lies within the former estate of William Beckford, whose gilded folly, partially hidden by trees surrounding the water tower, was once renown as a landmark for drunken farmers on their way home from market. There was certainly a little folly and a hint of the drunken farmer about the Saturday 1st XI's performance against top of the table Bath, which went awry from the start with the end of a remarkable run of winning tosses. It's just possible that there could be a coin tossing module in Bath University's Sport and Exercise Science course and that on hearing of the Cowboys 100% record the opposition convened a seminar and several tutorials. And so it came to be that the Cowboys took to the well-manicured field, short boundaries fore and aft, the hot sun gleaming on Beckford's gilded belvedere (knobby bit).

Both batsmen attacked RT1 and MattD's opening overs, the ball racing off the bat across the dry turf faster than the sports cars on Lansdown Road, the score advancing at a run a ball. Skipper Ben turned to Asad and Kalu to try to apply the brakes, the former, while accurate, giving the batsmen ball speed to utilise, the latter's flight and loop requiring them to work harder for their runs. It was Kalu who eventually broke the century opening partnership with a successful LBW appeal and without the score advancing he bowled the No.3 for a duck. Asad's good line was finally rewarded when he claimed the scalp of the remaining opener, LBW for 68, but on 139-3 the opposition had only used up around half of their overs with more batting strength to come.

Vociferously urged on in the field by 2nd XI skipper on secondment Jefferty, the Cowboys struggled to keep a lid on the simmering Bath innings. It's testament to his indomitable spirit that his chirruping remained undiminished earlier after spilling a tricky chance that he did well to get to. Kalu remained remarkably economical and had the opposition at 169-4 when he struck for the third time, inducing the batsman to pop a catch to Justin.

With Ange and others behind and in front of the wicket working hard to cut off boundaries, the next partnership amassed a half century together as the Landlord attempted to evict them. Mercifully, notice was served and executed the ball after being launched in the direction and altitude of the water tower, when this time it evaded the heave and hit the stumps: 224-5. Ev too toiled to prevent the run-a-ball progress, succeeding by a whisker but unable to prise the batsmen out. MattD had a second spell, RT1 didn't and in the last few overs as the ball travelled aerially, Ben bagged a couple of good catches, the first of which was worthy of a scrumpy moment vote or two. The battering ceased after 40 overs with the score on 271-7.

Tea appeared as if it had been magicked by Bath Cricket Teas Inc. and heavily comprised these wraps that they have now. Bread is so passé in Bath. There was also a bowl of pork things that coach and sidelined skipper Iggy was seen stuffing into his face when he thought nobody was looking and the remains of a watermelon last seen in a field in Stanton Drew.

Ev and Ange set about chasing down the total, the former finding a couple of early boundaries on a pitch that seemed to offer little assistance to the bowler, except for the ball's tendency to die and keep low outside off stump. Perhaps receiving one that didn't, Ev was caught in the gully before Ange had got off the mark, the bowler rewarded by being replaced at the knob end by his skipper. Ben defended while Ange played himself in then attacked the second change bowler, the runs not quite up with the required rate, but on the way there. When Ben's defences were breached and one got through to bowl him, the less able defenders in the batting line-up took cautious note but when Asad fell the next ball in the same manner, they collectvely gulped.

Justin strode out at 38-3 to take on the hat-trick ball and associated chatter, survived and set about reconstructive surgery on the innings. Ten runs later, after hitting several boundaries, Ange was also bowled from the same end, bringing Kalu to the wicket to face the music: It wasn't to his liking and forcing a drive he snicked his second ball to the keeper: 49-5. Barney's batting baptism for the team could hardly have been less comfortable as the opposition's confidence grew and the total trickled past fifty, then, eager for a run when Justin wasn't, he was run out by a well-drilled arm. 58-6 became 62-7 when Justin was bowled to become the Bath skipper's fifth victim with the Cowboys still two hundred runs adrift. Seemingly undaunted, MattD faced five balls, hit two of them for four and the last down the throat of long-off.

Jefferty and the Landlord held up the inevitable, blocking, swishing and sweeping their way to the highest partnership of the innings, the former surviving more balls than any of his predecessors until caught for 16 by the greedy opposition captain who was to have a hand in eight of the ten dismissals, the last of whom was RT1 who surely bats better wearing his underwear over his outerwear. The Landlord remained theoretically undefeated on 16 as the Cowboys were all out for 118 in the 23rd over.

On a day devoid of much amusement, except for Jefferty's sartorial elegance / anorexic Billy Bunter impression, Ben's catch was possibly the Cider Moment and Kalu's bowling the only performance that merited the Man of the Match vote. Everyone was fined for being rubbish, except blameless scorer Erica and several brave supporters who'd already suffered enough.

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