Chucking it down

"Oi! Get off the pitch," were the words with which we were greeted by the opposition as we stood around surveying the wicket before the match against Old Park at the Fry Club ground in Keynsham. Perhaps they mistook our trainers for stilettos or maybe it was a wind up. It was certainly a taste of things to come.

Iggy proved his credentials as a winning tosser and put the opposition into bat on a damp, drying strip, beneath which we'd not had enough time to plant our IEDs as was evidenced by the opposition's 98 run opening partnership. The algebraic opening bowling pair of 2ABs (Bhatnagar & Bowen) commenced respectively fast and tight, but the run rate rose to four, then five an over as RT2 and Kalu took over and the batsmen were let off with a series of three dropped dollies, each easier than the last.

Finally, sprinting in from long-off, the real AB (there were three in the team) took a fine catch off Kalu's bowling, made all the more impressive by the associated blood and thumb injury and his teammates' butterfingers.

Adhering to some kind of quinary system the skipper was allotting his bowlers five over spells and as the rain clouds menaced, Asad and the Landlord's turn came. Asad had early success, bowling the remaining opener for 58 and putting a much-needed squeeze on the score's progression. Your correspondent's bowling was treated most disrespectfully with some effective hoiking across a good line, but there was success from the other end when Asad had an LBW appeal upheld: 115-3.

Exactly when the murmuring started is hard to say, perhaps it was at the fall of the next wicket, when Asad bowled the No.4, or the ball after when he bowled the No.6, but from somewhere in the ranks of the opposition came the accusation that he was throwing. Whether sour grapes, sledging or considered opinion wasn't initially evident and as runs leaked at the other end and the rain clouds rolled in depositing a heavy shower, the players left the field with the score on 139-5, Asad with figures of 4 for 8.

An early tea was taken, the authenticity of which was also in question as bread whiter than the paper plates from which the doughnuts rolled tasted worse than the polystyrene cups in which the tepid weak tea was served, in a corridor.

It kept raining, it stopped, the pitch looked very sticky and nobody wanted to go near it with stilettos, slippers or studs, except perhaps for Asad, who may have bettered the season's best bowling performance, or not: The word from the tea of uncertainty corridor was that if play resumed, the opposition (umpire) intended to no-ball the Cowboys' most effective bowler for throwing, recurrence of which under the Laws results in suspension from further bowling in the match, or in reality perhaps a punch-up.

Escaping from all that, the team adjourned to the bar where they were greeted by the locals as "ragamuffins" and scowled at by the barmaid.

Scorecard

Who killed Bambi?

As Garnier served a barbecue at the conclusion of the match against Old Park that tempted your correspondent into the bony realm of pesco-vegetarianism, the fishy was on the little dishy but the boat had failed to come in.

It started so well on a gorgeous first day in June, the cow parsley high, the sun negating a stiff breeze on which wafted pig shite and silage. Ian won the toss for the fifth time in succession and had no hesitation in inserting the opposition on the second-hand strip from the week before and within a trice, RT1 showed that he had very much recovered from injury, in a devastating opening spell that reduced Old Park to 10 for 3. Bolivian-bound Budge bowled beautifully, trapping another batsman LBW to have the opposition in the mire at 18 for 4.

The next partnership put on ninety-five, not for want of accurate bowling, as Matt D and the Landlord prevented the runs from flowing, supported by a busy field, constantly preventing and allowing singles to engineer the strike away from the better bat. One or two sharp chances went to ground and slowly the score advanced. Post-birthday boy Garnier eventually made the breakthrough, springing down the hill with the grace and confidence of a deer that doesn't know it's venison, as Lalith plugged away at the other end, explaining LBW laws to the umpire with eventual success.

The Cowboys did well to restrict the opposition in the final overs, Garnier dismissing the big gun for 79 and trapping another batsman LBW, Ev buying a wicket thanks to a superlative forward diving Matt D and Ian bowling one tight over that had everyone wondering why the skip hadn't bowled more. Old Park's number eleven didn't bat because of a cast on a broken bone and the innings ended in the penultimate over on 153-9.

Duncan provided a sumptuous tea and followed the frittata fad, remembering in the nick of time a green salad tossed with balsamic vinegar to perfect the culinary delight. Brave though, to cock a snoot at the warning last week about the supplier of said egg-based thing not taking any wickets or scoring (many) runs.

Tooley opened the innings with Ev, requiring four an over to win. However, one of the opposition opening bowlers had other ideas and was only allowing one run an over to leak: It was slow progress. So slow in fact, that your correspondent was foolish enough, when sitting next to the fines-meister, to remark, "Isn't that a kestrel?", incurring an immediate financial penalty for twitching with ornithological interest near the field of play.

Back on the pitch, the foundation was being laid and although the builders were a bit slow, it was good firm workmanship. Tooley downed tools on being caught for a dozen, bringing B-b-Budge out to bat for the last time this season. Naturally he made it count, scoring three boundaries and developing a near fifty run partnership with Ev, who was the first to go, for 34: At 84-2 the Cowboys were more than halfway home.

Batting like a man with a boat to catch, B-b-Budge was soon bowled for 26 and when Matt D came and went for a duck which wasn't on the menu, alas, the curse of the frittata led Duncan to depart early for half a dozen (eggs?), the fourth Cowboy to be caught. The skipper came in to partner Lalith, but the little man within urged him to poke at a wide one he'd intended to leave well alone and he was caught at point with the score choking at 103-6.

Your correspondent then came to the crease, intent on giving the strike to Lalith, who whopped two mighty sixes with it before being caught LBW on the back foot for a baker's dozen: Seven down, thirty-odd runs still needed from around the equivalent number of balls. Helpfully, the opposition gave away a few wides to reduce the target, a four was edged behind and mid-off spilled a chance that was drilled at him, allowing the run rate to progress as required, but when RT1 was bowled the Cowboys were still twenty runs short and Garnier was not a happy bunny to have to come out to bat with Bambi to barbecue.

A dozen runs short, the Landlord was bowled for 21, bringing Preash to the wicket to help Garnier scramble over the line but on the penultimate ball of the innings, with four runs required for victory he was run out by the plaster cast-assisted arm of the Old Park number eleven.

After the match, SteveO's ale and Garnier's tucker provided a perfect evening to an imperfect day, B-b-Budge was voted Man of the Match for bowling, batting and bicycling and Matt D's diving catch was adjudged the Cider Moment.

Scorecard