Stanton Drew (A)

As your correspondent and Evan were responsibly rehydrating out the back of the Plough at blah o'clock on Saturday/Sunday, a divine being approached with a crystal ball, slightly heavier than the regulation 5 3/4 ounces, on which she proceeded to work wonders with her fingers. Sadly, she didn't seem that enamoured with the art of spin bowling nor, oddly, interested in the folk lore of the Stanton Drew Stone Circle, although her mate did show a keen interest in football. Anyway, she was a bit late. We'd definitely ordered the crystal ball to be delivered in the morning of our return match with Stanton Drew.

Not that we didn't know what to expect; the Bailey Bros. circus in their own back yard. And what a back yard, nestled at the edge of the Mendips, a stone's throw from the Iron Age fort at Maes Knoll, the sweet aroma of silage, dung and Easy Jet fuel permeating the atmosphere.

With RT1 out injured but very present, Raj took the helm, lost the toss and was asked to bat. Happy and Ev opened, but after taking a brisk six runs from the first over, runs were hard to find on a pitch that didn't always play true and both were bowled with the total barely in double figures.

New batsmen Raj and Phil played watchfully, some deliveries climbing alarmingly, others keeping low, but when Phil was caught and Angelo strode to whe wicket the Cowboys were in trouble at 12-3. Still the runs wouldn't come, but now it was good shots that by chance found fielders and the damp outfield which slowed the ball up. Unable to settle in and repeat his form from the previous week's encounter, Ange was caught behind with the score on 25 and plucky Ollie – I think that's what I heard – joined Raj.

Slowly the pair started to forge a partnership, the meagre run rate causing some spectators to seek alternative entertainment, namely the infamous playboy and Murdoch scribe Westy, who conducted a quiz from the pages of the Torygraph and Michael, who enlightened us with his recent knowledge acquired from watching a documentary about 'Animals What Fly'.

Meanwhile, Raj was batting assuredly and superbly, finding threes and fours in the deep outfield, ably assisted by Ollie who was also starting to find gaps in the field. After the slow start, the total didn't reach 50 until after the drinks break, but thereafter it picked up momentum as first Raj and Ollie completed their 50 partnership, then took the total past 100. Eventually, it was that man RB, returning with the ball from the top end, who had Ollie in a tangle with his favoured swivel pull and, lest we forget last week, demolished his own furniture and was hit wicket for an essential 39.

Cruising beyond his half-century, Raj was joined by Rob who helped to keep the momentum going with a few hearty blows before being caught behind with the score on 140-6. Heading into the final overs, Chris helped Raj push the score towards more batting points, but then Raj edged behind for a text book 71 and it was left to Michael to scurry up and down and wring out the last possible runs from the innings which closed on 152-7.

Tea was a heavy carbohydrate affair and suffered from the lack of a greengrocer in the village and water in the tap.

Defending four an over, Michael – who was struggling with pulled quads after batting – and Nick opened the bowling against RB and one of the opposition's lower order batsman, who had difficulty laying a bat on Michael's deliveries from the top end. No such problem for RB, who, despite Nick's tidy bowling, pounced on anything a tad full or short and smote it straight or long, and in one case straight at the bowler, who did well to even get his hands up in time, especially after last week's skull-cracker. Technically a chance, which were few and as difficult.

Evan replaced a hobbling Michael, who'd nevertheless bowled a remarkably tight spell to keep the game alive. Soon after, the right-hander mistimed one to point, where Rob M calmly pouched it after it hung in the air for a while. Chris replaced Nick, unafraid to give it some air, but after a quiet first over, RB assaulted his second, exclaiming, "Well, if it's up there, I'm going to whack it aren't I?"

Skipper Raj stepped up to replace Chris, bowling flatter and quicker and soon earning both verbal and defensive respect from his adversary. This was some tightly economical bowling against Bailey the bludgeoner, now subdued and not scoring as freely as he was accustomed. As ever, Ollie ferreted around behind the stumps and scurried out in front of them, alert to any half chance or stolen single.

By the time your correspondent came on to bowl he'd also twanged both quads and seen enough of RB to anticipate a drubbing. Sometimes, it's just so hard to get the ball to go straight, nevermind the agricultural incline of the pitch, or so it seemed as several balls veered off towards the village, extras increased and Ollie took more blows to the body. The second over was a bit better.

Perspectives naturally vary, depending on where you stand on a cricket field. Ollie swears that it was a dirty grubber that didn't bounce at all, but the image that's coming with me to my grave is of the ball hitting a third of the way up RB's middle stump, to deprive him of another century and get the Cowboys back into the match: 115-2

By now, the aforementioned Westy was finding the cricket more interesting than journalism and his lone voice of support was not only welcome but filled the vacuum left by the absence of the braying Bailey clan.

Raj bowled another tight one before another Bailey hit across a straight one and in our imaginations the stumps and bails flashed vivid orange. The excitement ramped up even more the next over when Raj hit the Stanton Warrior No.3 on his pads and after a small delay, umpire RT1 lunged forward with his finger aloft. “Shocking”, said the square leg umpire, who presumably had a better vantage point:120-4.

Despite the Cowboys best efforts, the opposition's middle order wasn't going to squander the opportunity of having a bat and knocking off the remaining runs, which they did with four overs to go without losing any more wickets.

We reconvened in the garden of the Druids' Arms, where Raj received the Man of the Match vote for his quiet and outstanding talent with bat and ball, while the Cider Moment was finally seeing the back of RB, after he'd scored 277 runs against us this year, although we didn't really need a crystal ball to foresee the possibility.

http://cowboys.play-cricket.com/website/results/2635381

Stanton Drew (H)

Roll up, roll up for the Bailey Brothers' Circus, featuring death-defying stunts and stump-smashing action from the Easton Cowboys under a big top thunderous inky black late April sky.

The Saturday XI made their way to Farmborough, -1 who went to Stanton Drew, whose offbeat tactics are to be applauded in theory but ridiculed in practice. Remarkably, the skipper didn't fine him, nor insist on a fine for those who made mention of how freaking cold it was, although this foolishly squandered the opportunity of making about a squillion quid for the club.

Winning the toss, the skip asked Stanton Drew if they fancied batting, and if there's anyone who likes batting, and giving everyone else a running commentary on how he's batting, it's the Stanton Drew opener, RB. “I like an athlete who takes it seriously”, he said, as we stood having a puff before the game, before we wheezed our way onto the slightly damp but well prepared field.

RT1 and Michael opened the Cowboys' attack, but alack, the skip pulled his intercostals and had to cut his spell short after a couple of overs. Michael speared some fiery Garner-esque deliveries (Joel, not Rich) and might have had the chief clown caught at point, had your correspondent pounced on a half-chance rather than looking like some idiot who hadn't played a game for 20 months. Making his debut for the Cowboys, Happy replaced RT1 from the red roof end, but both openers were punishing anything short and looking as menacing as the thunderous sky. A shower forced the players from the field for ten minutes but it was to be the only interruption of the afternoon.

After the resumption, during a spell that saw him several times end up in a heap on the ground with sheer exertion, Michael bowled the right-handed opener with a peach that hit the top of off stump. With the score already on 70, the first of two, potentially three pairs of Baileys was now at the wicket, adding another 50 before your correspondent, getting some rubbish out of his system, bowled one that was spooned in the air for a straightforward catch. Back in the fold, Jules had replaced Happy and once he'd warmed up, kept both batsmen alert with a fine spell that was to be the most economical of the innings, bowling the new batsman before he'd reached double figures.

At the other end however, the batsman was reaching three figures and missing very little. A pleasure then to very nearly york him, but having tied him up for a couple of overs, your correspondent finished off his spell by bowling a few that sat up in the turgid spring sod and were carted over the boundary, far away. Debutant Max suffered the same fate with his first ball, dug in close to his ankles and ballooning up for RB to swat towards the next field, but when he found his radar he looked a threat, hitting Ollie's gloves with real force and bowling the No.5 batsman not long after Jules' success to leave the opposition on 138-4.

Although everyone bowled their looseners, nobody bowled badly at all, but once RB had his eye in, he was off. For a few of us who'd encounterd him before, It was deja-vu all over again Brian, as we hunted down balls in the hedgerows and nesting birds darted for their lives. Mark it! When the ball actually remained within the field of play, there was some excellent Cowboys fielding along the way, especially from Happy, making remarkable effort and stops in the deep, and Max, solid and dependable. Which is not to say that when he bowled and dared to give it a bit of flight, Nick wouldn't have benefited had his supporting fielders had more catching practice beforehand and his skipper, more throwing practice ...

As percussive noises go, the sound of a cricket ball hitting a human skull isn't that groovy. It tends to make you wince and stare open mouthed, which is what we did when RT1 at mid-on attempted to throw to the stumps at the keeper's end, but miscalculated that Nick's head was in line with the trajectory. Blessedly, the air ambulance wasn't required and Nick got up and seemed to be making as much sense as usual and we carried on. Bypassing the Health & Safety Executive, this was later voted as the Cider Moment.

With the possibility of the score reaching 300 and RB 200, the reincarnated Saturday XI battled to the end with good cheer and newfound camaraderie, albeit for one tiny lapse in manners and decorum. Everyone, including some of his own team mates, was getting a little riled by the big hitting batsman's constant chatter and presence at the crease, when our frustrated keeper, unable to execute a run out, demolished the timbers in a rather ungentlemanly manner with his lower limbs. The skipper adopted parental mode and your correspondent swiftly forced mud, startled worms and stumps back into three enlarged holes.

The Cowboys eventually restricted the opposition from reaching those two landmark totals and even managed to execute a run out, although it was more a case of RB sacrificing his partner, to end up on 192 not out, from an innings total of 296-5.

Tea was hastily assembled and passed the standard for teas hastily assembled. Like the fielding, it'll get better as the season progresses.

Phil and Ahad opened the batting and tried to get to grips with the pitch, playing straight and carefully in the face of a target of more than seven an over, but when Ahad played back and was trapped on the crease, RT1 had no choice but to raise his finger (everyone ducked). Phil was next to go, caught hitting out against the same bowler to put the score on 29-2. Happy played some lofty blows that reached the boundary and raised the scoring rate, adjusting his timing after all the practice in the faster indoor nets, but was caught at mid on, off the omnipresent RB, now bowling from the top, mineshaft end.

Ollie and Angelo then very nearly compiled a 50 run partnership as they started to read the pitch and capitalise on the rather ordinary bowling that came their way. Not that all their swipes connected, with Ollie especially, managing to get himself hit a couple of times amidships while attempting sweeps to long leg and severely testing his abdominal protector's efficacy. When he was caught, at 77-4, Max joined Angelo and together they took the singles and pierced the infield to take the score beyond 100. The required run rate was creeping higher but there was still hope. Even when Max was bowled for 16, Michael strode to the wicket with hunger and intent and with Angelo now playing expansive shots and the opposition taking the opportunity of giving everyone a bowl, there were still plenty of runs to be had. "It's bloody difficult playing shit bowling though", said Ange.

After helping Angelo take the score past 150, Michael fell for 13, as did Rob and Jules after him, each having some batting practice in a match that was really long since lost, but with pride and perhaps points to play for. Angelo in the meantime had racked up a combative, resistant 50 to win the Man of the Match vote and the Cowboys had taken their total beyond 200, finishing on a competent 206-7 but losing by 90 runs.

Scorecard:
http://cowboys.play-cricket.com/website/results/2635417